Patience

Patience is something I certainly lack.

I can see more and more everyday with different situations where God is teaching me patence. I am learning... slowly... to be more patient...

Growing up, my mom used to warn me all the time about praying for patience because if you did the Lord would give you a situation where your patience would be tested even farther. And for the longest time, I couldnt understand that. Why shouldn't I pray for something that I am seeking... Why would God punish me for praying for something by making life harder?! But I think I understand it now... when I prayed for patience, God answered. but not in the way that I thought He was going to. He gave me a harder situation. But he didnt do it to be cruel, as a punishment, or like He was saying "ahaha... u shoulda been happy with the situation that you had and learn to be patient then", He did it to make me stronger... to push me to my limits, so that when I would be put in another situation~ I would have patience.

I am learning that now. He is teaching me to be patient in life..
Psalms 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes. (NIV)

One example:

My ex. lol. Last week, I didnt talk to him for 3 days. Which is very odd... Normally he texts me almost everyday... and he didnt... I started to worry that he was alright etc.. but honestly I really didnt want to text him. I am trying to stay away from him. Not call, not text, not invite him over. If he calls or text ill respond... but thats it... (which is another hard lesson im learning to do- keep my mouth shut)... so days went by and nothing... I really wanted to call him, especially late at night when my thoughts and emotions seem to catch up with me but I put the whole situation into God's hands. I was patient... and finally I talked to him and everything was alright... i worried for nothing....

Second example:

There is a gentleman that I find attractive, and have a small crush on. I see him once a week if that. But I dont want to make the first move with him, yet I do because I am impatient. I would like to at least go and have coffee with him to get to know him, but honestly I don't even know how he feels about me. So I am being patient. I am leaving it in God's hands. When the time is right (if it ever is) this gentleman will make a move in some way... and this is so hard because in most situations... I will make the first move if I like someone... but I know also that I have issues, my heart is not yet mended from my past so I am trust in my Lord with this situation. His Will, will be done... I will not be impatient and ruin something before it has even began... Its in His hands...

And i know it shouldnt be hard to put the worry and the anxiousness and the outcome of life in God's hands, it is for me. Its hard for me to just let things be and wait and be patient. But I know that the Lords will, will be done, no matter what I do as a mere human. I need to remember that is all that I am... a human. God's creation. He's the one incontrol. Not me. Things happen on His time, not mine.