Self Image

As a human, normal girl, in today’s society, we 99% of the time, have a distorted picture of ourselves.  When we look in the mirror most of the time, we don’t see a beautiful girl looking back. We find the flaws of our creation.  The scars, the bags under our eyes, the extra fluffiness here and there, the tiny breasts, the too big breasts, the stretch marks, scars, any and all imperfections. 

I am no different. I struggle with my self image. Every. Day.  And to try and control my insecurity, I color my hair, I cut my hair, put makeup on, get tattoos, tan, exersise, diet, anything that I think will make me look better… make me feel better about myself. 

But in reality- when it comes down to it, NOTHING I do will make me prettier. All the makeup in the world, will not make me feel better about myself… it will give me a momentary pleasure, a momentary dilusion that I am beautiful, but tomorrow that feeling will be gone. 

I have friends that struggle every day with their self image.  Feeling they are too fat, ugly, too skinny, not this, not that- essentially no guy would want them. They are nothing.  They look at me like I have it good.   I have a good body. I am pretty. I don’t have an issue with getting a guy.  They don’t understand when I say I don’t like my body. I don’t like my hair. I can’t get a guy.  I look at them like they are crazy. 

I am no different than anyone else.  I feel like I can improve myself A LOT.   

I look into the mirror and I see the stretch marks, the cellulite, the grey hairs, the muffin top. I see so much that I would love to have "lifted, or tucked, or just sucked out"... 

But reality is, this is me. 

I am learning to love me.  

Some days are better than others. 

But everyday, I am waking up and I am going to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful and eventually, hopefully, I will completely believe it. 

Blessings N  Love

Overthinking Mama

*this is a post I started writing a year ago, that I just found... lol. 

oh well, he's just a man

First of all I want to say how great our God is.. I woke up this morning, kinda just in a blah mood.. Nothing bad but then nothing good either.
I got up made my coffee and had my time with God. Read a devotional, the bible, listened to my worship music, wrote in my gratitude journal.. then answered a couple text messages from a friend.. and voila, I got inspired to blog. God is good. I had thought maybe 10 minutes before hand that I really didnt feel like blogging, even tho I really needed too...

I responded to a text message from a friend "Well he is a man". That was my reason as to why something didn't go as planned the night before. He didn't think something was as important or as big of a deal as she did.  He was left confused and she was left disappointed.

Should we justify a man not taking a moment and thinking about the girl as just oh well he's a man?

I have another friend who uses that phrase all the time for her boyfriend. And it frustrates me so much and yet.. now I just used it.

To me just saying well he's a man when he does something that is thoughtless, disrespectful, disappointing or just hurtful is just giving up an excuse for him.  Not having him to be held to any type of standards.

Well men think differently.  Yes, they do think differently... and maybe I am old fashioned or think that there is a prince charming out there, but I still believe that a man should take a moment and think about how a woman might feel if he does something, especially if she is directly effected by what it is that he does.

Yes, everyone makes mistakes.. and I completely get that.. I just feel like saying we'll he's a man and doesn't know better is a lame excuse.  A man or woman should be held accountable for what is done.. say maybe they don't know better, they didnt realize the effects, or whatever.. but don't just say its cuz he's a man.  Thats saying that the male species is uncapable of thinking or feeling or figuring out an outcome to something that they might do.  Its saying that they have a free pass card in a way to go and do stupid and idiotic things just because they are a male.

I also feel like its saying that because he is a male, it keeping the expectations very low for how he should treat you...

What is your opinion?


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

mom and son date night

Well after that horrible morning with lil man.. we went on our mom and son date that we had planned for a few days now.

And!!! Wow!!!!  Amazing!!!

He was absolutely a sweet heart.

We went to Chipotle. And he told me he wanted to take it home to eat because he wanted to watch a movie on the couch with me. So that is what we did. He picked out his favorite movie- The Princess Bride.  I had no idea that was his favorite movie!  I went to go change into my pj's before sitting down to eat and when I came back out, he had all the candle lit for us!!  He really amazed me with that!!  We ate and watched the movie and snuggled up on the couch.. and he actually let me snuggle up with him.

My heart was bursting with JOY!!!

God is good.. and even thru the roughest of days, he can bring a little bit of peace and joy!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

down

One of my friends from facebook text me the other day to say how he thought that my other friend is absolutely gorgeous.  So I relayed the info... helped them exchange phone numbers.. have played the in between girl for them.. and I am soooo happy for both of them.. I think I happier for them to find each other than I am for myself finding someone. Lol.   But today, even tho I am still happy, I am also slightly jealous.  Not jealous that she has him or anything like that.. but I think jealous of the fact that I have the outside view looking in.. I see him being all giddy over her.. and her being giddy over him.. and I wonder if I ever will have that.   Its hard for me to be giddy over some one. It hard for me to let myself get excited because it always seems that as soon as I do, boom the guy changes or moves on and then im sitting there stuck on stupid and trying to figure out what I did wrong.. and trying to pick up the pieces of my heart.  

That happened just recently.  A gentleman that I had been texting and talking to for a month and a half.. we got closer and closer and I let myself feel something for him. Got excited when he would call me, or when he would text me.  The way he looked at me when he would kiss me gave me butterflies. Something I hadn't felt in a while.  Then one night we hung out, watched a movie, snuggled up on the couch and then the next day everything was different and I have barely heard from him since then.  A text here or there, but nothing like it was, so I do my thing and back away too. I don't chase after a man.  If he doesn't want me, then fine. I wont ever force myself on anyone. Ever. 

So now, I just sit here, and wonder, what did I do wrong?? What is wrong with me?? Am I crazy??  Because this seems to keep happening. So maybe it is.  Maybe I need to just learn to be happy single.  Maybe that is my life.   Never to be in love.. never to have another child.  I don't know what God has planned for my life, but I guess I need to learn to accept what He gives me. I know he is using everything in my life to make me the person He needs me to be.. I know he has a purpose for me. 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

UGH.

Ugh.  Today is a down day. 

The devils whispering lies into my heart and I am believing him.

I went to bed last night feeling down and woke up even worse this morning. UGH.

My son got suspended from school yesterday.  He had too many detentions, so he ended up suspended.  He talked back to the teachers, wouldn't listen to the teachers when asked to stop doing something, acting out, not being prepared.   He received 3 detentions in the last week.  

Now, I don’t like his school nor his principal all that much, but my son needs to learn discipline and respect…so because he is being punished at school, he will be punished at home also. 

Luckily today my mom is off work today so he is able to stay with her.  I told him that he was not aloud to play on the computer over there.. and that he will be helping his grandparents with any thing that they need done. Also that in between him working, I wanted to finish all the homework that he has due on Friday and write two books from the bible. I don't want him to have a moment to just sit there and watch tv. This is not a vacation for him and I definitely don’t want him to enjoy this day off so that he will want to get suspended again. 

This morning he didn't want to get up.  Finally he did and went to the kitchen. When I got in there, I saw that he was playing on the phone.  When I said something to him about he’s not aloud to play on the phone, that’s when the attitude and the arguing started.  I told him that he wasn't supposed to be paying on it.  He argued that I told him yesterday that he could play. I don’t remember saying that.. but sadly my brain is a jumbled mess the past few days so maybe I did. I told him fine. He could play it till we left but he was not taking the phone to my moms, because he wasn't going to sit around and play on the phone all day.  And then more arguing.   In the mean while I am also trying to get my daughter all put together and out the door too because she does have to go to school and be there at a certain time.   We get to my moms and he storms into the house.. repeatedly telling me that he’s not going to write. He’s not doing anything.   I had to leave at this point and I asked him to come kiss me goodbye. He said no.  I told him I loved him and walked out. I couldn't handle it anymore. 

I don’t know what to do.  Today, right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.  I feel like a failure.  I feel like my son doesn't love me.  Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for him to be with his father. That maybe he does need that male figure in his life… but I know if I have him go live with his father, he will feel that I am choosing his sister over him.

I feel like he is Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  One minute, he is a sweet heart.  The next day the opposite. 

Its just not a good day for me emotionally or mentally. 

I am feeling very down on myself and my life right now. L

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

My week- via Instagram 1/27-2/2

getting my hair did

baby girl getting her hair trimmed

watch my church was giving out. :-) 

New hat!!! 

Long day- lil man was sick :-( 

doggies keep lil man company while he's sick on the couch

baby girl home from school and wrestling with the dog

even tho lil man was sick.. he offered to help baby girl with her homework- aawww.

fresh out of the shower. 

my turn for the flu

baby girl got the flu too

bbbllllaaahhhh. 

sucks being sick.. but at least baby girls feeling better!! 

...she was just like oh. weird. and walked away. lol. conversation with my baby girl. haha.  

view friday morning as i had to get up for work. ugh. still wasnt 100% great

saturday morning snuggles. 

my fun filled weekend night!!  love this series of books tho!! 

dating advice.

Dating advice :

If you come across as needy or insecure, it will turn off the majority of women out there.

            Do not constantly ask what she thinks of how you look.

            Do not constantly ask what she think of you.

            Be confident- even if you have to fake it.  If she is taking the time to at least talk to you- then more than likely there is something about you that she does like.

Don’t ask from day one where she see things going between the two of you.  That takes time. You have to get to know each other, see if you click. That could take one conversation or 6 weeks of trying to figure it out.  Don’t push her into any type of commitment out of the gate.  Just enjoy the conversation. Have no expectations. Just enjoy.

If you can’t read a man/woman or have doubts on if he really likes you are not- especially in the beginning… more than likely something is not there, no spark, connection, whatever.. don’t doubt your intuition.