Busy. Busy. Busy... oh and did I say busy???

It has been a insanely busy few months!!!

Between normal life, being pregnant, doc appointments for me/baby, the baby shower, figuring things out for the wedding, and work... we also added getting custody of my fiance's little cousin.  So add in court appointments, home study, backround checks, making sure she's up to date on doc visits and dentists, therapists coming to our house to make sure she's adjusting to everything alright... its been crazy... but honestly I wouldn't change any of it for the world!! 

Now we are getting ready  for baby M to come... the wedding... and back to school!!! Yay!!!

My due date is the 15th of August.  They have me scheduled for an induction on the 14th... so I guess we are just playing it by ear till then.  I have been having contractions but nothing consistant. Tho last Sunday I went to the hospital because I just really didn't feel well and was having very bad lower belly pains... it seriously felt almost like there was a knife cutting me from the inside. But I was pretty much told that its normal and only if they are unbearable, my water breaks, or my contractions are very consistant to come back... otherwise... I'll be fine. :-( So its all in God's hands.

I have one more day of work till I am off for maternity leave. I am looking forward to being able to be home more, but we really need the $$. I am trying to get parties set up for Damsel in Defense, but its pretty hard, plus lately I haven't really had the energy to market myself and the company like I should but I think once the baby comes, God willing, I will have more energy and motivation, and wont have this huge belly getting in my way all the time.

We have about a month and a half till our wedding... and I have yet to get the invites mailed out. I am thinking about doing a Facebook event for at least the people on facebook so they will know and I can get an idea for how many people will be coming.  It just hurts to even write out address on envelopes. My hands are swollen and sore... I just finished up doing the thank you's for the baby shower!! lol

I think we pretty much have everything thing done and taken care of for the arrival of baby M. I am planning on breast feeding... not sure for exactly how long... but I want to give it a shot at least. I didn't with the other two, which I don't regret, but I wanted to try with this one especially since I am not working full time.

Well I need to get up and get moving. Need to finish cleaning up the house... and hopefully the back yard too.

It has felt so good to get on here and actually write something. I really need to do this more often. Its very relaxing for me.  I also want to say thank you for all of my readers!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Pregs

I have been wanting to to wait to do this post till I had see the doc... but as that seems to be a mission to do so... I have decided to go ahead and announce to the blogging world that I am Pregnant. 

I am about 10 or so weeks. My due date is 8/15/14

I took the home pregnancy test on 12/06/13. 

I had a feeling for a few weeks before that, that something was up... so I had weaned myself off of my cymbalta and adderall. It was hard and there was a lot of days I just felt absolutely miserable but I wanted to make sure that I didn't cause any complication "if" I was pregnant... and what do ya know... I was. :-) 

After I found out, I went shopping and made up a cute little "gift" to give my fiance to tell him the news!!!  His reaction wasnt exactly what I thought it was going to be... but he was scared and nervous that maybe the test was wrong. Once I got the blood test done and we knew for certain that there was a baby... He was extremely happy!! 

It has definitely been a rough few weeks... I have had nausea and extreme tiredness... thankfully I didnt actually throw up.  I have been very depressed and over emotional on everything... it kinda sucks because this should be a extremely happy time for me!  As soon as I get in to see the doc, the first thing I am going to ask is if I can go back on some kind of anti-depressant. I just want to be happy again... and its not that I am not happy... I just want to feel happy. 

The reason I havent been in to see a doc yet is because of insurance/medicaid. 

I am still out of work... and was getting unemployment until the end of December so I was on Family Planning/Medicaid... which provided basic gynocological exams and birth control. So I had to go back and fill out new paper work and prove to them that I was pregnant in order to have the pregnancy covered...  finally got all of that approved right after Christmas tho I didnt get my card till after the first of the year. As soon as I did, I looked up the  doctors and found the doc that I had with baby girl accepted Medicaid. So I called and got an appt and last Wed we went up there... filled out all the paperwork only to find out when I handed it in along with my card, that they do NOT accept medicaid. I left there in tears. :-(  I was so excited to finally get in to see a doc!!!  I was so upset because on the medicaid website it said that they were covered and I was FINALLY getting in to see a doc!!!  I called around to a few other doctors and finally found one that does accept medicaid... and we have an appt for next Thursday. "Fingers crossed" that nothing goes wrong. 

I went to Cornerstone Among Women in order to get a "official" pregnancy test and was offered an Ultrasound. So at 5 weeks I got to see my baby... well really just the heart beating but still... it was breath-taking! We were offered another ultrasound... so we go back there on the 5th of Feb! I am excited!!! 

On Christmas, I ended up getting sick... I had a temp of 100 then in less that an hour it went up to 102.3... Big B ( my fiance) insisted that we go to the hospital because of the temp and the quick rise in temp... he didnt want to risk anything with the baby. He's already been in a situation where an ex was pregnant with his kid and had a miscarriage... so he's extremely worried about that with us... and the fact that I had a miscarriage before I had baby girl.  So we went to the hospital and was told that I had an upper respitory infection and was put on anti-biotics.  I felt like absolute crap for a few days after that... between the "morning sickness"/nausea and the infection in my body... it was a very rough few days. 

After a couple weeks, I felt better, tho I was still coughing up phlegm... and I ended up coughing so much and so hard, I pulling something in my rib area on the right side... that pain lasted about a week... and it was so bad that I was in tears most days and that I couldn't sleep much at night because if I moved around at all, I was in intense pain.  Again, Big B wanted me to go to the hospital or something because both him and my mom was worried that it was my gallbladder. I talked them out of making me go... and in a couple days the pain went away for the most part, though I still have pain when I breathe in deeply.  Something I will be talking to the doc about. 

In the next couple weeks, there will be a lot of decisions that need to be made... since I am no longer getting unemployment, and I have yet to find a full time job (which now may be even more hard since I have a bun in the oven). I am working part time... but its no where near enough to pay even my house payment each month.  Big B helps with the bills as much as he can too, but he has his own bills that he has to worry about.  So I need to figure out if I should try and get a second part time job...  Big B is thinking about applying for other jobs that could pay more and possibly offer more over-time.   The thing we both are worried about is that if we do these things... we will never see each other and I will never see my kids.  And my pastoral classes start up in a month, so I have to take that into consideration too.

So needless to say... its been a rough pregnancy so far. I don't remember being this depressed with either baby girl or lil man.  With baby girl I had the nausea but I don't remember very many other major issues... well at least till the end of the pregnancy with having preterm labor (which was stopped).  It amazing how each pregnancy has been so much different... and it seems that the older I am, the harder each pregnancy is... I wonder if its due to age or just life situations at that time.  Probably a little bit of each. 

I know that God has a plan... even tho things didn't got the way I had planned- I wanted to be married before I had my next kid, but God is good and is here with us. I know we will get through everything, learn from it all, come close to God, and one day be able to use all of our ups and downs to help someone... even if its to only know that they are not alone.

Alright... need to get off here and get baby girl some food... and this bun in the oven is hungry too!!!  

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

maybe.... dunno.

I have learned that I need to blog or at least jot down my thoughts first thing in the morning.. cuz by lunch time… my brilliant thinker is done. L ugh.

I don’t really wanna do another “my weekend was great Monday post”  even tho, my weekend was AWESOME!!

I wanted to do a more serious post..  One so my readers can get to know me a tad bit more… 

I wanted to write about how I “maybe” had a miscarriage.  

This was 2006… 5 years ago… February. This was a very very very stressful time in my life. I was in a relationship with a man that would seriously change my life… for the good and the bad in some ways-but in the end- it was good. My family disliked this man to the point where they wouldn’t even come to my house.  I had just bought a house and me and this man (if you have read in previous posts- it’s the EX) moved in together. We had only been dating a couple months but had known each other for a few months longer (because that makes it all the more better!).  We moved in the beginning of February.   February 17/18 somewhere in there, I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant.

February 25^th. It was a Saturday. I remember this day perfectly.  Lil Man was with his father this weekend.  We were getting our TV wall mounts installed.  I remember after I woke and and started doing a lil bit of cleaning I felt a slight cramping. Thinking I just needed to use the potty I went to the bathroom…  I went in and sat down and noticed blood spots in my panties… and when I wiped just a little bit on the toilet paper… I text my bf to let him know and told him I was scared. He said for me to call the doctors and then to call him. So I did. The nurse said some spotting is fine. If it gets worse go the the ER.  I called the bf back and told him and he was like- I am coming home… you are going to the ER.  By this time the installation man had shown up, so I called a couple of my friends- Tina and Tom and asked them to come over and stay with the guy while I went up to the Hospital.  My bf got home and we immediately left.

We went up the ER and waited and waited and waited..  finally the nurse came in the room and had to stick a ballon with a tube up my pee whole to inflate to enlarge my bladder so they could do an ultrasound.  So after that I was wheeled down to the ultra sound room… and that was done.  And I was wheeled back to the room…  I called the nurse and asked if the tube could be removed cuz it hurt and he (yes HE) went and found out that he could take it out!  

He came back in… didn’t even close the curtain all the way… spread my legs, started watching TV and pull it out… OMG!!! That hurt worse that having a kid, getting tattoo, or being punched in the face!! I let out a yelp (I don’t scream) and my bf was immediately standing up and in the nurses face going off on him… Yea security was called and my bf was told to calm down… It was NOT fun.   Soon after we were discharged… and tried to go on with our life.

The next couple days I took off work and felt miserable…  I saw clumps of skin passing and coming out in my toilet… but not much. Nothing more than what I would pass with a normal period.   I laid in bed a lot. I didn’t have the energy or motivation to get up and get out. My bf was awesome to me. He held me. He comforted me. I was in mourning.

About a month later I went to my doctor for a follow up- that I insisted on because on of the test came back from the ultrasound that there was a cyst on my left ovary- so I wanted it checked out.  I went into the docs and they did another ultrasound…  The lady asked me if there was anyway I could be pregnant. I said no. I just had a miscarriage.  She gave me a cup, showed me the restroom and told me to go pee.  I did… I was pregnant. The measured everything… and put conception date as March 11. Exactly 2 weeks after my miscarriage.   So now, I am not sure if I even had a miscarriage. Is it even possible to get pregnant that quick after a miscarriage.    I still dunno. I dunno if I have a baby up in heaven or not. I dunno if I was pregnant 3 times or not. I dunno if I mourned for my child or not. I dunno.

God Bless

Overthinking Mama 

kids, sex, and birth control

I was having a talk with one of my friends the other night... She is a Christian... Her husband left her a few years ago for another woman... and she is raising a 13yr old daughter all by herself. The dad... is gone... he doesnt want anything to do with the family now. Anywho... I was talking with her and we were talking about kids having sex. (obviously before marriage)
She said she was thinking about IF her daughter came to her and said that she was having sex... she would immediately get her on some sort of medical birth control (pill, patch, ring etc). And have a talk with her about sex, (again) the risks, and God. But she would definetely put her on birth control... just in case.
She was telling me her reasoning behind this.... if her daughter is willing to go out and have sex at least once.... there is a chance that she might do it again... (boys are very persuassive) and she would rather her be protected so there would be no unwanted pregnancy. Her cousin found out a month or so ago that their daughter had been having sex, got pregnant, and had an abortion... all with out her mothers knowledge. She found out from the mother of her daughters friend. The mother overheard the girls talking and called shortly afterward. She had told the mom that if it were her daughter, she would want to know. The cousin confronted her daughter about it and she just said that she was scared. She was 16 and wasnt ready for a baby and knew that they definetely couldnt afford to raise a kid. So she thought this was best. She hated herself for it, but didnt know what else to do.
My friend doesn't want be put in this same situation...
So I asked my friend... Dont you think that putting her on birth control (that can fail~i have proof!!) is kinda like saying.... well, i dont want you to do it... but here go ahead.

What is the right thing to do? In todays soceity more and more youth are having sex younger and younger... I was one of them. I was also one of the very lucky ones and didn't get pregnant till I was an adult (or mostly) and had a full time job and was able to take care of my son. (I also had a great boyfriend who stayed with me and was a great father and still is). But what is the right thing to do? Prepare them in every possible way... show them right from wrong... tell them what the bible says...what God says... but also prepare them for IF they decide to go out and do it too? I honestly don't know the right answer... I don't know what I am going to do when I am faced with that situation... What do you think is right? If it were your daughter... what would you do?