Karma

Ok...
I have heard of the whole karma thing.. and what goes around comes around... and I am definetely living proof of that... but how long do i have to pay for my past mistakes???

With my ex husband is when i made most if not all of my huge mistakes...
I cheated on him, i lied to him, and I hurt him severely...
And for the past 3 years... I feel like I am paying for all of those mistakes.

In my last relationship with my daughters father... I was miserable for most of it... (and for some stupid reason... he was my first real true love-stupid i know)...
He would do so many of the things that I did to my ex husband... like make me beg for sex... I rarely ever wanted to have sex when I was with my ex husband... and so we did once in a while... maybe once a week or a little bit more... and it was to please him... With my daughters father... it was about the same... only it was always me initiating having sex with him... me begging him for it... and then I only got it maybe once a week... if i was lucky...
and that is just one example...

so now i am wondering... if everything that i do... going to come back to haunt me... will i always get my ass kicked by karma? because even till this day... i feel like i still am... I still see things that i did to him (the sneekiness, the lying, the makin excuses for things)...
and i know i was a bitch to my ex-husband... and i regret the way i did him and how much i hurt him... but should i have to pay for the rest of my life for those mistakes??

screwiing it up

Ok.. so my boy finally asked me to be his girl friend... and everything was great... then i dunno what happen with me...
I have become so freaking insecure you wouldnt belive... and i am not really sure why.
Over the weekend my boyfriend left his old phone at my house... and i decided to play with it some... and i ended up reading a lot of his old text messages that he sent his ex's before me and him were official... or hell ever really dating dating... but it still upset me a lil bit. and i know it shouldnt have cuz i had sent similar messages to my ex too... so i told him how i felt and we talked about it and we were good..
well last nite we were sitting there and he was listening to a song on his new phone that he just downloaded... and it was a song that he said messaged his ex that it reminded him of her...
should have i gotten upset? it really hurt me. eventually i told him that it was bothering me (after like 20 min of him asking me what was wrong)... and he said that he liked the song before her.. and it was just something that one part reminded him of her at one time.. but it was still his favorite song regardless...
but ever since then.. i feel like now there is this distance between me and him... and i dunno... i am so in love with him... and yet i am so freaking scared of being hurt, being lied to and being cheated on... my ex sure did a number on me... and i didnt realize it till now...
i am trying to trust him.. and not think the way that i am thinking right now... but its hard...

am i wrong for thinking the way that i am? should i trust him? what should i do?