the Donor

Sometimes. Sometimes I just don't get it!

My daughters father- now known as sperm donor just text me saying last night was the first time that he hasn't felt welcomed in my house.   Now, I try really hard not to talk bad about anyone- especially him... but Im done.

I told him that I was sorry he felt unwelcomed. But I was tied of loving him as much as I do. I was tired of him never feeling like he has to sacrifice anything for our daughter is never a consideration, because he knows that I will do it. I will take care of whatever needs to be done. That I am tired of my daughter having a father that comes by to see her and sits in another room and calls her to him when she's sick with a 103 fever.  I was tired of her having a father that only comes around when its convenient for him. That he is always welcome at my house, as long as he is there to see her.  - his reply to this: well understood.
So does that mean that he will come around more?? be there for her more? no, probably not. It will probably be just the opposite sadly.

The last time that he came over to see baby girl was Christmas.

Yes. I had a slight attitude when him when he came over last night.  Why?? because I missed 2 days of work and had to have my stepdad watch my daughter on the 3rd day because she was sick.  That I had to send my daughter to school, still not feeling the greatest yesterday and again today because I couldn't miss anymore work.  I had called him Tuesday, his day off, to ask if he could watch our daughter for the day. No answer. No call back. So text him later that day. again, nothing... not till 8pm did I get a reply. And it was to ask how she was doing.  The next day I text him and said that I would be nice if he could take a day off when our daughter is sick sometimes so I wasn't the only one. His reply- I can't afford to miss an hour of work let alone a day.  Apparently I can because I have no choice in that matter. Yes, I make more than him... but I am always the one raising our daughter.  Yes, he pays child support...but that doesnt cover everything that is needed, infact because I felt bad for him, I had things held out from child support so he would be able to make ends meet for himself. Stupid. Me.  So, who cares if I lose my job because I miss too many day.  As long as he doesn't. Thats all that matters.  That is what started my attitude towards him.

I am tired.

I am tired of always making excuses to our daughter for him.
I am tired of her thinking that having a daddy that only comes around when he feels like its is "normal"

He asked me last night, if baby girl was excited he was coming over. I said she didn't know. I stopped telling her when he was going to come over because most of the time he never showed up...  like a week ago, when he said he was coming over... and then the next day when he said he would come over instead... and no call. no text. nothing...
but at 1230 in morning, he has no problem texting me asking to come over because he's lonely... sorry dude. Can't help you.

There are so many negative things I could write right now.. part of me wants to, wants to just get it all out there... out of my head and out of my heart. But once again, I won't do that to him.  I won't make the world think any worse of him than they do.

But I am done.
He is now, a sperm donor in my eyes.  I will never talk bad about him to our daughter and I will never prevent my daughter from seeing her father if she wants to.
But in my eyes. Hes a sperm donor.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama