Confidence

Lately I have been struggling with confidence.  I feel like a failure on a daily basis. I feel like my kids aren't happy with me... like my husband isn't happy with me. I feel like I am not good enough for any of them. I feel like I always fail them... the clothes aren't all cleaned and put away. I forgot to sign their homework the night before. I overslept and now they are late for school. I burnt dinner. I didn't get the house cleaned. I don't work enough and bring in enough money.  I constantly feel like I am falling short of what my family expects of me. 
I am only one person.  I can only do so much in a days time. Having 4 kids, being prego, working part time, trying to run a home party business, take care of 3 dogs who don't know the difference of the grass and my family room floor can wear a person out. 
I am wore out. 
Today is the first time in I couldn't even tell you how long since I have had quiet time in the morning with God. I really need to get back into this. I used to do this every single morning and it made such a big difference in my days!  
I was reading this morning Hebrews 13:6- The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? and Hebrews 10:35-36- So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 
Every time I throw away my confidence, I throw away the power that could have been mine if I chose to live in the security of God's promises instead of the insecurity of my doubts.  (Renee Swope-Encouragement for Today devotional)
I live in self doubt. I live in sadness and feeling not good enough. What joy am I missing out of by focusing on what I can not do rather than what I can do?? 

What are you struggling with?? 


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

At my whits end!!

I seriously feel like I am going insane!!! 

I am so tired of crying every single day. 

I feel like I am not good enough. Like I can't keep up. I feel like all I do is complain and yell at my kids and husband.  I am so tired of so many things. I am tired physically. I am tired emotionally. I am tired mentally. I don't know what to do anymore.  And I feel like no one really cares. 
I feel like I am constantly having to tell my kids over and over and over and over again to do something AND if they actually do it, its so half @ssed that I should have just done it myself in the first place!!  
I am exhausted with having to repeat myself. 

I need a vacation!  

I need help..

I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions. That everyone expects me to be this super mom/wife and I am only one person.  I can't do it all. 

I almost feel like I need to quit my job just so I have more time to take care of everything at home! Right now I don't have the time and energy! 

The sink is over flowing in dirty dishes. The laundry hamper is over flowing in dirty clothes... the other laundry basket still has clean clothes in it from last week.  No one took the dogs out last night before bed so there was lovely accidents all over the house that I have to clean up because if I don't... they stay there.  The big dog tore up everything in our kitchen, I asked the girls to clean it up last night... yea it didnt get done so I will have to worry about it when I get home.  The whole house looks like a tornado went through it. No one picks up after themselves or anyone else for that matter... everyone would walk over something on the floor a million times before they would actually pick it up!  I feel like I am going crazy. 

This is how my morning went today: 
Wake up to Mady crying... hope she settles down so I don't have to get up... After about 15/20 mins she does. She wasn't crying, just more babbling and whimpering here and there.   Bout 30mins after that finally fall back asleep. 
Wake up to alarm. Get up and go potty- let the dogs outside... walk over 3 puddles of pee and 2 piles of poop. Clean up all. Call the girls and Pey to get up and get ready... Call them at least 4 more times before I see them out of bed.  Tell the girls to get their hair brushed... they can't find any brushes.  Finally found one as we are walking out the door... but before we can do that... Ren informs me that the dog at her shoes... and she doesn't have anymore to wear. I look at them... they aint that bad, she can still wear them.  Sami then can't find her shoes... so I finally found a pair she can wear and we head out the door.  I tell the kids that things have to change around the house. I can't do everything alone!!!  And Pey pipes up- I help out, I don't make a mess. I lost it.  I start crying and telling them they need to help each other and me more!!! I can't do it alone.  Sami starts complaining cuz Ren is taking too long brushing her hair and they only have one brush.  Finally get the boy off to school and go and wait at the bus stop... get the girls on the bus.... head home. Try and pick up some thing around the house and see that the dog chewed up a couple diapers on the couch. ugh. more to clean up. Wait for Grandma to get there. Seriously embarrassed cuz of how my house looks. Realize I left all my tea stuff in Hubby's car and so I can't do anything regarding that today.  Grandma gets there and I say my good byes and I head off to work.  Get to work and am told that the dog ( I brought into work last sat) has pooped in the church. Lovely. I took her out while she was here. Every time I looked up- she was right here!!    The highlight of the morning so far is when my hubby text me that he loved me.  

I am exhausted. My back is killing me. My stomach is so uncomfortable. I am having contractions off and on which tires me out too. I just need a break. 

Anywho. we are going to have a family meeting tonight hopefully... and hopefully things will change cuz I can't keep going on like this!! We shall see... Say a prayer for me. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Monday :-)

Monday. 
Need I say more?

It started off as any other Monday. lol Last minute text from the Hubby saying that I needed to take MadyBear over to Grandmas this morning instead of her coming here. *sigh* so that meant, packing her bag for the day, getting her coat on, making a bottle, finding her hat, get her into the car, lugging her old car seat along since we just got her a new one and its a pain in the butt to get in and out of a car.  SamiPooh woke up great this morning. Which is odd... normally she's the one I have to go in at least 5 or 6x before she even wakes ups. RenBug tho who is normally great at getting up- was a whole other story. She just wanted to stay in my bed. (where she ended up at about 2am after the dog barked like crazy and seeing her head pop up at the end of my bed about scared me to death). Pey Pey of course waited till the last minute to give me a form that needed filled out for him to play dodgeball in a couple weekends. Then he was mad because the I didnt have exactly $10.00 to give him to play. I had $20. but he swore up and down there was no way he could get change at all. So him being the lovely stubborn kid his is... He took nothing!  Oh well! 
I got into work early though which was a good thing!  Maybe I'll be able to leave a little early. :-) 

Something that has been on my mind the last few days is homeschooling my kids.  I don't know its something that God has placed on my heart.  I don't know if I could even handle it! I don't know if my kids could even handle it. I don't know. I think in a lot of ways it will be better for them. I will be able to teach them more about Jesus and the bible. I feel God pulling me closer to Him... and I want to be able to share that with my kids as much as I possibly can. And honestly with them being in school now then homework when they get home... its hard to have the time and the energy to do that. :-( 

We started going to a new church a few weeks ago... and the kids Love it so much more than our old one. I like it too...  I like that I can relate to the pastors. That the pastors aren't perfect. They have been divorced. Have kids from previous relationships. Right now I feel like its somewhere good to bed.  The Hubby doesn't feel exactly the same. The worship at the new church isn't as great as our old church and that is something that we both Loved and craved.  :-( I guess time will tell where we stay/go. One thing I aboslutely loved, was this past Sunday when I went to go pick up Renbug from Kids church... they were praying... all together in a circle group... heads down.. holding each other... praying. I NEVER saw that at my old church. I feel like God is a priority here where at the other one... He wasn't. 

I am starting at Tealightful Tea as a consultant. I had a "host to launch" party last week (where I have a part to help pay for my starter kit) and it was absolutely amazing!!!! I had more people show up for this party than I have probably for the last years worth put together!!!  And it was snowy and cold out and they still came!!!  Plus I have two parties booked and a couple more people interested in having a party!!! I am so excited!!!  I really hope that this works out great because we really could use the money and in the long run I think it would help me be a full time stay at home mom!  

Well... I think that is most of whats been happening lately... 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Random.

Well I am 22 weeks pregnant! Over half way there.  I will be so happy when I start having a little bit more energy.  This whole wanting to sleep all the time, is getting old. :-(  
We are having another beautiful baby girl! Haven't decided on a name yet. Hopefully by the time she is born we will have something figured out! lol

We found out on Saturday that Big B and I were granted full custody for Sami-pooh!  We both are so happy about it. It really feels like that was a weight lifted off my shoulders finally knowing something. And honestly Sami-pooh seemed a little bit chipper too after we told her the news.  I couldn't imagine my life with out that little girl. 
I am trying to think of whatever to share...

Nothing really new has happened lately.  Big B and I are both still working the same jobs we have been.  We are in the process of looking for a new vehicle. Debating on if we should get a big passenger van or just a regular 3rd row vehicle. In June we will have 5 kids. That pretty much means that we can't take anyone else any where with us, if we have all the kids.  But the gas for the bigger van would kill us. So I don't know what we will do. I am leaving it all in God's hands. 

Big B is wanting to have more kids. He really wants to have a boy. I have mixed feelings. I am exhausted with being pregnant.  Yet there is still a part of me that can't imagine never being pregnant again.  A lot of things will have to change tho, if we do end up having another baby or two... a bigger vehicle, a bigger house, a better pay for Big B, some way for me supplement our income without having to be away from the babies all too much. Neither of us want to put the kids in day care, but I am not sure if our current baby sitters (grandparents) could handle 2-3 little ones all at once... not to mention during the summer having 3 bigger ones running around crazy. lol. 
We were joking yesterday that I need to change the name of my blog to 5 kids and counting or something like that. lol.  Guess we are trying to keep up with the Duggars! haha. 

I know I have mentioned in previous posts about feeling like God is calling me to do something but I can't completely figure out what it is... I am having that feeling again... and once again, I really don't know. One thing that has been on my heart lately is becoming a Pastor.  I am not really sure where to start with that... but I am thinking maybe that is something that I need to look into. We were at my uncles funeral yesterday and it was done at a Catholic church. While we were sitting there I remembered how when I was younger and in catholic school, I would come home and play "mass". I was the priest and I would go through all the different aspects of mass.  I knew I would never be a priest but I loved the thought of that...  so maybe it was a sign of what was to be??   I am going to pray on it and see what all happens. :-) 

I need to start making notes of what I want to blog about... I have thought of so many things I want to write about and now that I am actually sitting down, I can't think of anything.  GGRRR.

Alright I am going to close and maybe write more tomorrow or sometime soon. 


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Compassion

Luke 6:36- You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

This was the scripture for the Praying Wife that was sent today. I will be completely honest. Some days I lack the compassion that my husband needs. I lack the compassion that my children need. Some days I am just so tired and so overwhelmed I just don’t have the energy to do anything other than just survive. I know this isn’t the way that the Lord wants me to be. I pray for energy, patience, compassion to my family, my friends, my children and to my husband.  But how can I give compassion to someone who doesn’t show it to me? I know I should be like Jesus and love everyone, but I am only human and sometimes its hard to overlook how hurt I feel towards someone to give them the love that they need. This is something that I do need to work on. 

I am really looking forward to this bible study. I want to be the best wife possible. I want to be everything that my husband needs so that he wont feel the need to look elsewhere. I want to make my Father proud of the woman I am… the woman he created.

Lately I have felt so far away from God. I still pray. I still believe… I just don’t feel the closeness like I used. I used to crave going to church on Sundays. I used to crave my morning time with God. And lately, I just have no motivation. I hate it. I am so worn out. I need to be reenergized but I don’t know how exactly to do that. I want to shine with Jesus’ love. I want people to look at me and think “wow, she is so in love with Jesus”.  I need to get back into doing the things I used to, the things that made me so happy. 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day where everyone (is supposed to) stop and think about all of the things in life that they are thankful for.

God has blessed me in so many ways this past year. If you would have asked me this time last year if I would be where I am now... I would have told ya no way!!!

I am thankful for wonderful friends who are always there for me. Uplift me, help me, cheer me up when I am down. God seriously blessed me with many!!!  A special thanks for my 3 besties. Without them I don't know how I would have gotten through so many ups and downs in my life. Thank you and I love you - Leisa, Carlita, Mark.

I am thankful for wonderful parents and step-parents. My stepdad has helped me in so many ways and has always been there for me. My stepmom even tho it has been 3 years since her passing, she always had great advice for me, was always there when I needed her, she is greatly missed.
My mom and dad have always loved me. They have always stood by me even when I made stupid choices. They have helped me out in so many ways and have helped make me into the woman that I am today.  Thank you Mom and Ken and Dad and Bobbi. I love you.

I am thankful for my wonderful children. Even tho most days I want to pull my hair out, I couldn't imagine my life with out them. They are my heart and with out them I would be nothing.  I love you PeyPey, Renbug, SamiPooh, and Madybear.

I am thankful for great in laws... past and present. My ex-mother in law and I haven't always seen eye to eye but its been in the more recent years we have grown a mutual respect for each other and a special friendship.  For my new mother and father in law, they have been there for us when we have needed help. They have stopped what they were doing to be there for us. My grandma in law has always been there to support my husband and I, helps whenever possible and just loves us unconditionally. My step-step grandma has always accepted me and my children and my husband with open arms. She has always loved us.  Thank you and I love you all- Pat, Angie, Donny, Ione and Barb.

And to my husband. I am so thankful that God brought him into my life. We have had our ups and downs but I know that he is the man that God intended me to marry, to have 2 beautiful babies with and build a family and a life together with.  I love you forever and always Brett!!!


Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!!!

Blessings N  Love
Overthinking Mama

who woulda thunk

If you would have told me a year ago... that today I would be married, have a "new" daughter that we are getting custody of, have a 3 month old daughter and a baby on the way... I would have never beleive it. NEVER!! 
It is crazy all the things that can change in a years time. 

I still am in shock over it all. 

So the next time that you are feeling down. Feeling like nothing will ever change. That you will always be stuck where you are. Remember, God has got this. He knows what He is doing. And who knows where you will be in a years time!!!

This has been my past year/year and half...

March 2013- Dating an A-hole
            Met Big B
April 2013- Started dating Big B

May 2013-   Got let go from my job of 9+ years

June 2013-  Big B and I take a "break"

July, August, September 2013- Live life. Get closer to God. Look for a job. (unsucessfully)

September/October 2013- Big B and I start working on our relationship again.

December 2013- Big B ask me to marry him
               Find out that I am pregnant

April 2014- Find out that we are having a little girl.

May 2014- Rearrange the bedrooms, paint bedrooms.

June 2014- Sami-Pooh come to live with us.

August 2014- Have baby M.

September 2014- Get married.

November 2014- Find out I am expecting again...


Don't ever forget... God is in control. He's got this and He knows what he is doing!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama