a whole lotta nothing

I have tried to start writing this post, I don't know how many times...  and even now I fully don't know what to type.

I want to blog about my new mindset on my future... that I am thinking about becoming a wellness coach.

I want to blog about how I have been going and seeing a therapist and how it has helped me so much in such a short period of time... and how this one is so much better than the last one I went to!

I want to blog about how I am not sure what's going on with my job...and what the future holds for me there.

I want to blog about how wonderful my kids are.

I want to blog about how I broke down in tears on Valentine's day because I couldn't call my dad and say hi.

I want to blog about how my week has been....


Yet, when I start to type any of that... or even think about typing anything... it comes up blaaaaahhhh. lol

So here I am writing a post about nothing and pretty much wasting your few minutes of life reading this.

Tomorrow will be better.

Blessing N Love
Overthinking Mama

Crap. crap. and more crap.

It has lasted forever it seems!! 

I feel like I haven't feel 100% in forever. 

It started at Christmas. Both the babies got the stomach flu that was going around. Both were up and down all night throwing up. I got the other end of it. On the toilet most of the night and the next morning.  It has been off and on since then. Along with nausea and stomach cramps. It was the worst last Thursday and I finally broke down and got an appt with my doc. She ran some tests and nothing. She wants another test. So we shall see. Now this week... I have a freaking cold or something! Coughing like crazy. Sore throat that feels like there is a huge lump in it when ever I swallow. Every inch of me down to my toes aches. Also, I am freezing. I am sitting here in my winter coat and I am freezing. 

I seriously can't win!! 

Yesterday, I went to my gyno and she found a couple lumps in my breast so I have to go have a mamaogram on monday and she also thinks I have a bladder stone. Lovely huh!? 

So I have just been working and doing what I have to at home and trying to rest..but with 5 kids that is easier said than done. 
I know I will get through it and be better. Just have to tough it out for awhile. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Skating Saturday

My mom and I took the girls skating. 

My mom takes the big girls for skating lessons every Saturday. This time we decided to take the babies for open skate afterwards.  

Mady loved it!!! She went out with out help and started dancing along with the music. She loved it. 

Lily wanted to be out there to. But she wasn't feeling the greatest and was ready for a nap so she easily got frustrated with falling and not being that great on her feet. lol

Madybear fixing her car. 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Different mindset on marriage

1/11/17

2016 was a rough year… but truthfully in the midst of all the negativity and struggles, there were a ton of blessings. And even though I feel like 2016 was a horrible year… truthfully- it was a blessed year and that is what I truthfully need to focus on.

The thing that is on my mind today is marriage. My marriage. Its been 2 ½ years so far… and boy was it a rough rollercoaster of a ride.  There were times that I worked my butt off trying to make everything work and then there were times that I seriously just wanted to give up and walk away. One thing I have learned here in the last few weeks- this marriage isn’t about me… it isn’t about my husband. It is about God.  My marriage is a reflection of God’s relationship with us. I am sure that there are many times that if God were human, he would just want to walk away from me and all of my flaw… but thank goodness, he is not human.  I need to reflect that kind of love and patience that the Lord has given to me, in my marriage. I need to show support and nurturing to my husband even when I don’t want to and even when I feel like he don’t deserve it.

I could sit here and list a million things that he does on a daily basis that I take as a personal assult on me, myself. But truthfully, its not. Its my hubby being human. Its him being exhausted, him being tired, him being hurried to be able to spend time with me and our family, its him just wanting to sit down and relax after a hard day at work.  Do I feel like the burden of the house and kids are on my shoulders? Yes. But I am sure he does too or has an equally heavy burden on his.

We all have good days and bad. And thankfully most of my bad days are matched by good days my husband is having. He equals me out. He is the yin to my yang so to speak. 

So the next time I just want to give up and walk away… I need to remember God’s love, patience and grace that he has extended to me- and extend it to my husband and be a reflection of my Lord for the world or at least my kids to see.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Our Christmas

I hate to say it, but I am thankful that this Christmas is over and that this year is almost over. 

This has been one hell of a year. I am trying to think of all the great things that have happened, but sometimes its hard. 

This Christmas was exceptionally hard for me, more than people know. I tried to put on a good front for the kids, but deep down inside I am broken. 

This is the first Christmas with out my dad being here. The first Christmas that he, my brother, and my step-grandma didn't come over for dinner and to open gifts together. Dealing with being heartbroken and everything else that was going on was almost too much. 

One week before Christmas, my car completely broke down. Wouldn't start. When we tried to jump it- the jumper cables caught on fire. Had to have it towed home then towed to the dealership to have it looked at- alternator is bad, battery is bad, serpantine belt is bad. Over $1000 worth of work.  God did bless us though. My mom bought me the battery as a Christmas gift. My husbands uncle offered to buy the alternator and serpantine belt for us and we can just pay him back when we have the money. He also put both of those on for me. 

So between the stress of that and trying to figure out how each of us was to get to work for a week, figuring out how to get money for repairs, and trying to figure out how we were going to buy Christmas gifts for our kids... and the fact that I was already depressed thinking about my dad. I didn't enjoy this Christmas as much as I have in the past. 

I know my father was there with us in spirit. I know he is watching down and smiling as all my kids opened their gifts and laughed at Madybear as she wanted to open everyones gifts. 

I know in years it will get easier. Still Sucks though. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Christmas!! 

Blessing N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Renbug turns 10!!!

Where has the time gone!!?? 

Seriously! When did my first baby girl become 10years old!!!  Oh yea.. just yesterday. 

She is seriously so amazing!!  She has is my best friend and I hope that I am hers. She was my sole partner in crime, my inspiration, and my rock.  Because of her (and my son and my other girls) that I strive to be better. 

But it is because of her that I go above and beyond to make things work... to make up for the fact that her father is barely in her life.  

She has taught me so much in the past 10 years... She has shown me how strong I am. 

Thank you Renbug!

You are an amazing, beautiful, girl!! 

You will always be my baby girl! 

I love you! 


Blessings N Love 
Overthinking Mama 

Rambles and such

I have been wanting to post for forever.  

It always seems that as soon as I sit down to start writing, my mind just goes blank and my fingers just can't seem to move across the keyboard. So then I log out and go onto something else. 

My life motto seems to be anymore "Ready for the day to be done". 

I hate wishing my life away. I just so feel like I am stuck in a rut. Like I am in a big mud pit and my wheels just can't get traction. 

I feel like I am going through all the motions of every day life... but I just can't break free from this... this... plastic bag over my head... that I am slowly suffocating in. 

I don't know what to do or how to stop it.  

So many things in my life are not how I ever expected them to be right now. 

The one thing I know is that God has a plan for me... still not sure exactly what it is... but I know He's got one. I know that He loves me and is always with me through everything that I am going through. 

My husband keeps telling me that he  doesn't think I have full accepted my dad passing.. or that I have fully grieved.  Its like, I have greived as much as I can. I miss him terribly. I know he's not coming back.. it don't fully seem real, but I know it is. Death is a part of life.  But I can't stop for a moment to grieve.  I can't even get a day off to be sick with out the house falling apart lol.  I can't allow myself to wallow is sadness and depression... and that is super hard. 

I am depressed. I am on meds and they help tons, but I am still depressed. I think that is part of the reason that I feel the way I do... like I am stuck in a rut... because its like I am always in this thick fog of depression. And I don't know maybe its as bad as it is because of my dad passing... but I really think there is a lot more too it. 

This has been the first Major Holiday with out my dad. It was really hard.  Normally the day after Thanksgiving I had my dad and our grandma over for dinner. I cook a big turkey with all the fixins. And this year I just didn't do it.  I had to work anyway... but I just don't think I could do it. On my facebook time line it keeps showing me the pics of my dad at thanksgiving at my house. Its sad. I miss him a lot. 

I feel like, if I could just get a day or two alone... at home...  no kids, no husband- just me. And I could clean, organize, purge, nap, rest, be with God.... that maybe my mind and my heart with get aligned a little bit better and I could get out of this fog...  But that is not going to happen any time soon... so I just have to make due with what I get. 

Anywho... I need to get to work and get things done. 

Thank you for listening to me ramble on... 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama