Realization Friday

Finally it’s Friday!!!

And even tho I was out with a sick little girl, this week has seen extra long! UGH!!!

I fought a moment of depression for a few days.. on top of losing all motivation this week… I think I am starting to come out it of, at least I am hoping.

Here are the realizations for the week!!

This week I have come to realize:

~that so many people suck

~that once again, so many people don’t know how to accept the answer NO.

~ that God is so good.

~ that I need a vacation!!!

~that I am so tired of the snow!!

~that blogging and tweeting have brought some absolutely awesome people into my life.

~that I have two absolutely amazing kids!!

Hope Ya’ll have an amazing weekend!!!

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

the hamster wheel.

I don’t even know where to start. I have been wanting to write for the last 3 days… but as soon as I get the computer out, I lose all motivation.

I woke up Sunday morning just completely depressed. It took all I had not to cry.   I made it to church and I am so glad that I did. I needed that. I ended up seeing one of my favorite pastors there and spoke with her for a brief second and she told me to come in and talk with her asap. So I know it was God that brought me to church and God that had me see her especially because she wasn’t even supposed to be there that day!

Monday, my daughter woke up with a 101 temperature and a headache. So I stayed home from work with her. Figured that I would be able to get so much done around the house… but nope, ended up laying in bed with her most of the day. She wanted me close.

Tuesday was the same.  L  I woke up in a seriously horrible mood. I couldn’t control the tears this time was just utterly frustrated. I had a 930 conference with my son’s school and his father… and I had no one to watch my daughter.. finally I got ahold of my dad and was able to take her over there. I just felt so helpless.  Had a pretty good conference with the school, so I am really hoping that things will be better till the end of the year.

Today she still has a temperature of 103 and I have to go to work.  I have a call into the doc to see if we can get in today… but haven’t heard anything back yet.  UGH. She is with my step dad today, so I am very thankful for that!!

I finally got a hold of baby girls father today and ggrrr. I wanted to reach through the phone and smack him. I told him she was still sick and said it would really be nice if he could take a day off work to be with his daughter. And he said he can’t afford it. Hhhmmm.. but apparently I can. I seriously wouldn’t be too upset if I never had to speak or think of that man ever again in my life.

I don’t know.  I am just so depressed lately.  I have no motivation. I feel like other than my kids…I feel like my life is pointless.  I live day to day.. just in blah. Going through the motions of every day life but really don’t feel like I am going anywhere.. just spinning around on the hamster wheel.  There are moments here and there where I feel like I might be able to get off this wheel… and then I stick my head out and bonk I am back into reality and realize I am stuck here… and I don’t know how to get off. I don’t know how to change anything.  I dread getting up everyday. I dread going to work. I dread going home.  When the phone rings I dread who’s calling.  I am just frustrated at everything in my life right now and I don’t know how to change it.  I have no motivation.  I almost don’t care anymore. I have no goals. I have no desires.

I know God has a plan for my life… I can feel it. I know I have a purpose… I just can’t figure out what any of it is. 

I think for the next few weeks I am going to be backing away from people and focusing on me… try to figure out my place…who I am and where I need to go.  I need to pray. And even more so, I need to listen for God’s word in my heart, so I know where to go and who I am with HIM.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

wait.

I havent been sleeping very well lately.  I am not really sure why.. odd dreams... crazy feelings ... lower back pain when I sleep on my back... yet that is the way that I sleep the best in. Craziness!!!

This morning before I was fully away... I started to have this feeling of dread for the day. I don't really know why... Like already, I didnt like how the day was... but I got up and got the dogs up and outside for their morning business... and I stopped and realized how blessed I really am. God has been so good to me. Yea, I struggle almost daily with so many things... worry about bills, my kids, being a great parent, daughter, sister, friend.. but ya know what?? I am really blessed!!! I have two beautiful kids. I have a wonderful home. I have family and friends that love me so much.

I think i just need to realign my focus... which is a lot easier said than done. I am going to try and not focus so much on the things that I do not have... but stop and look at all the blessings that I do have!!

One thing I have learned about myself...that I love waking up to a clean house.  Having a clean house just puts me at ease. When the house is cluttered and unorganized and there's junk everywhere, I feel out of it.. even if I am not at home, I still feel out of it. Like my world is the way my home is.  I've tried to not care if my house is a mess...tell myself there is always tomorrow to clean it up, spend today with my kids.  And even tho i do do that... I still in the back of my mind am thinking about my house and the mess. ugh. I need to get over that. God doesn't care about how my house looks... He cares about how my heart looks.

The devotional I read during my quiet time with God this morning was Isaiah 40:31.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"

This was prefect for me today.. on the Proverbs31.org devotional for today instead of the word hope- their version said wait.  Those who wait in the Lord will renew their strength.  I feel like my life is a constant wait.  Waiting for prayers to be answered. Waiting for a husband.  Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And its exhausting. I am focusing on the negative of it. I am focusing on what I am not getting, instead of thinking about that this time is being used to ready me for the answered prayers... its being used to ready me for something greater than just my prayers... during this time I need to focus on worshiping my Lord and not just demanding an answer to a prayer.  I need to be thankful what where I am and who I am. I need to be thankful for the blessings that I have in my life and not focus so much on what I do not have or what I want. The Lord is good!!!


Have a wonderful weekend!!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Realization Friday

Its been way too long since I did a Realization Friday post. For those of you that have no idea what a Realization Friday is... well its when I gather up the things that I have come to realize for the week and post them on here... I also collect realization from my readers also. If you have a realization that you would like to send in, please email me at overthinkingmama@gmail.com.   You realization will be posted anonymously, so don't feel shy or embarrassed by anything that you send in. :-)

So without further delay...

This week I have come to realize:

~ that I do not like pushy guys. Just because I give you 5mins of attention does not mean that we are meant to be, that we will be a happy couple or that we will be married.

~ that I am starting to have more days where I am just brutally honest about things. Its becoming harder and harder to keep my mouth shut.

~ that I am too nice at times.

~ I am easily discouraged.

~ that I give everyone at least one chance...even when I probably shouldn't.

~ that my son's school seriously frustrates me.

~ that even now after being divorced 7years... my ex husband still apologizes to me for things said when he's upset. :-) 

~ that I don't want to date anymore. I am tired of all the bs... and I need to just focus on me, my babies, and my Lord. 

~ that some people... just don't get me.

~ that some people do not understand the meaning of NO. lol. 

Hope ya'll have had a good week. and have a great weekend!!! 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

My Secret Closet

I am starting a new site called My Secret Closet.  Gently worn clothing at good prices. Please check it out and let your friends and family know too!!  Its just in the beginning stages but I will be adding more every day!! :-)

www.mysecretclosetonline.com

Thank you all for you support!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Nominated again!

I believe this is the 3rd time I have been nominated for The Top 25 Single Mom Blogs on Circle of Moms! I am so honored!!!  

Please take a moment to go vote for me!! :-) 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

strange dreams of the a.m.

This morning, I had a dream that I went to a tattoo shop/convention or something to see a famous tattoo artist.  That  friend of mine wanted me to go for her to talk to him about getting a tattoo. She couldn't go for whatever reason. 

So I go.. and first he shows me this dragon tattoo that he thinks would be perfect.  First suggests placing it on my shoulder and then having it go down my arm. Then he suggests that  I should have it on my left forearm, going around my wrist and its tail is in my palm. 

Then I tell him that I want a half sleeve of flowers and a few other ideas I have... He then suggests a white lighthouse.  And that has stuck in my head all morning... a white lighthouse. So of course, I look up the meanings of everything. 

Lighthouse

To see a lighthouse in your dream indicates that you are seeking guidance during a difficult and tumultuous time.

White 
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life.�Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.

Tattoo 
To dream that you have tattoos represent your sense of individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to be unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is and what significance it has in your life. It may represent something that has left a lasting impression on you. Alternatively, to dream that you have a tattoo suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that you had expected.

To dream that you are getting a dragon tattoo on your wrist implies that you are looking for attention. You want to be acknowledged and awarded for your efforts and positive actions.

And this is what I found...  though I didn't actually see the lighthouse.  But a white lighthouse tattoo was very prodominate in the dream.   

I guess we shall see... :-) 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama