maybe.... dunno.

I have learned that I need to blog or at least jot down my thoughts first thing in the morning.. cuz by lunch time… my brilliant thinker is done. L ugh.

I don’t really wanna do another “my weekend was great Monday post”  even tho, my weekend was AWESOME!!

I wanted to do a more serious post..  One so my readers can get to know me a tad bit more… 

I wanted to write about how I “maybe” had a miscarriage.  

This was 2006… 5 years ago… February. This was a very very very stressful time in my life. I was in a relationship with a man that would seriously change my life… for the good and the bad in some ways-but in the end- it was good. My family disliked this man to the point where they wouldn’t even come to my house.  I had just bought a house and me and this man (if you have read in previous posts- it’s the EX) moved in together. We had only been dating a couple months but had known each other for a few months longer (because that makes it all the more better!).  We moved in the beginning of February.   February 17/18 somewhere in there, I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant.

February 25^th. It was a Saturday. I remember this day perfectly.  Lil Man was with his father this weekend.  We were getting our TV wall mounts installed.  I remember after I woke and and started doing a lil bit of cleaning I felt a slight cramping. Thinking I just needed to use the potty I went to the bathroom…  I went in and sat down and noticed blood spots in my panties… and when I wiped just a little bit on the toilet paper… I text my bf to let him know and told him I was scared. He said for me to call the doctors and then to call him. So I did. The nurse said some spotting is fine. If it gets worse go the the ER.  I called the bf back and told him and he was like- I am coming home… you are going to the ER.  By this time the installation man had shown up, so I called a couple of my friends- Tina and Tom and asked them to come over and stay with the guy while I went up to the Hospital.  My bf got home and we immediately left.

We went up the ER and waited and waited and waited..  finally the nurse came in the room and had to stick a ballon with a tube up my pee whole to inflate to enlarge my bladder so they could do an ultrasound.  So after that I was wheeled down to the ultra sound room… and that was done.  And I was wheeled back to the room…  I called the nurse and asked if the tube could be removed cuz it hurt and he (yes HE) went and found out that he could take it out!  

He came back in… didn’t even close the curtain all the way… spread my legs, started watching TV and pull it out… OMG!!! That hurt worse that having a kid, getting tattoo, or being punched in the face!! I let out a yelp (I don’t scream) and my bf was immediately standing up and in the nurses face going off on him… Yea security was called and my bf was told to calm down… It was NOT fun.   Soon after we were discharged… and tried to go on with our life.

The next couple days I took off work and felt miserable…  I saw clumps of skin passing and coming out in my toilet… but not much. Nothing more than what I would pass with a normal period.   I laid in bed a lot. I didn’t have the energy or motivation to get up and get out. My bf was awesome to me. He held me. He comforted me. I was in mourning.

About a month later I went to my doctor for a follow up- that I insisted on because on of the test came back from the ultrasound that there was a cyst on my left ovary- so I wanted it checked out.  I went into the docs and they did another ultrasound…  The lady asked me if there was anyway I could be pregnant. I said no. I just had a miscarriage.  She gave me a cup, showed me the restroom and told me to go pee.  I did… I was pregnant. The measured everything… and put conception date as March 11. Exactly 2 weeks after my miscarriage.   So now, I am not sure if I even had a miscarriage. Is it even possible to get pregnant that quick after a miscarriage.    I still dunno. I dunno if I have a baby up in heaven or not. I dunno if I was pregnant 3 times or not. I dunno if I mourned for my child or not. I dunno.

God Bless

Overthinking Mama 

Realization Friday

Yay!! Its Friday… As I type this, I am on hold with Walmart.com trying to find my TV I purchased 3/28. The last tracking info I got was on Monday at 751am that it was in transit to the store.. that was MONDAY!! And the place it was shipping from is ONLY 4hrs away…  Its said I should be able to pick it up b/w 4/4 and 4/8… Well its now 4/8 and still no email that I can pick it up.   I am getting frustrated!!!  And the longer I am on hold… the more frustrated I get…plus now.. I have to pee. Ugh.  

At least its Friday.. and that means its realization time!!!  So with out further adue… here’s my realizations.

Ive come to realize:

~ I have very little faith in people anymore.

~  That the Lord has a great plan for me… I just need to keep my faith in Him.

~ That I have had more fun with my friends in the past 2 months, that I have in the past year!! Kinda sad really L

~ That when I have to pee this bad… I have a hard time thinking.

~ I hate being put on hold for more than 5 mins!!!

~ I am seriously starting to think that I am not going to ever get a TV!!!!

~ I have the best BFF in the world J

~ I only have 3 more weeks of school!! 6 more classes!! Aaahh!!!

Alright… since I am still on hold…  I am gonna finish this up.. other wise there may be a whole lotta venting going on… I am getting more and more frustrated!! I think I may have been hung up on!!!

Hope ya’ll have a great and wonderful weekend!!

God Bless YOU

Overthinking Mama 

wordless Wednesday

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30 Days of Me/Truths Day 9

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Hhhmmm…  there have a been a few people…  and I don’t wanna to another post on The EX… because me and him definitely drifted apart.   I have quite a few friends that I have drifted apart from over the years…  Do I have to pick just one??!! Lol.

OK. Well the first friend…  I met in highschool.. she is one of the rare people that I met in high school that I actually still talk J  We instantly had a connection and were best friends.  We have gone in and out with being super close- talking everyday- seeing each other all the time etc.  Then only talking once in a while… here and there..  then go back to talking all the time.  We had some big fights and made up. The last biggest fight we had was almost 5 years ago. Her bf got into an argument with my bf (both now ex’s) and we stopped talking for almost a year.  I didn’t want to lose her as a friend, so I got her number and got in contact with her and we started talking again. But it was different this time around.  She had other new friends and did everything with then… and I had a renewed a few old friendships and it was just different between us.  Over the last 5 years we still see each other from time to time… still talk on occasion but I have found God and she found a great man… and both of those seem to consume our time… so we just ain’t like how we used to be. L

The second friend… hurts probably the most.  My ex-husband and I were friends with her and her husband.  We hung out all the time. We vented to each other every single day.  We did so many things together.  Her and her husband remained friends with me even thru our divorce. They didn’t chose sides…  Our friendship did change. We weren’t as close, but we were still friends.  Then this past Oct her and her husband split.  And I reached out to both her and her husband.  Asking them both (separately of course) for coffee, lunch, anything.. just to talk..)  She always said ok.. She always said she’d let me know. But I never heard from her. A mutual friend and I would invite her out with us or what ever, but she always declined or just wouldn’t respond.  Her husband on the otherhand, took me up on the offers for someone to talk to.  We have become closer friends because of it. I consider him one of my best friends now. But to her she now sees me as a threat. That I am not her friend because I am friends with her soon to be ex-husband.  That I am trying to be with her soon to be ex-husband.  I hate that she thinks that. Its not true at all!!  I still consider her a friend and I wouldn’t do that to her.  But its set in her mind so according to her, we are no longer friends.  L

There as been more friendships that have changed. Many relationships that we just have changed or were so different but ignored everything in the beginning because love is blind… but God has a plan for all of us… He knows what he’s doing. And he is here with us thru it all.. thru the love and especially thru the hurt. We just have to open our hearts to him!!!

God Bless YOU

Overthinking Mama

Weekend Recap.

This weekend was a pretty good one.. def. a lot more calm than the last few.  J

Friday night I went out with a couple friends and sang karaoke. I suck at singing.. but I still got up there and made a fool out of myself… with the help of my friend!!  I loved it tho!! Will definitely have to go back sometime.  

Saturday was pretty good… I was up early and started cleaning and putting my entertainment center together. Went and picked up Lil man from his dads and did a lil bit of running around that I needed to get done. Came home and cleaned some more, bathed the dogs and finally passed out on the couch. The kids were wonderful… they let me sleep for like 20 minutes!!  J They were awesome!!  We went and rented some movies, got Chinese and came home. I started on some homework and then a couple friends came over and we hung out for a bit.

Sunday I was up and headed to church… I really do love this new church I have been going to…  again tho… I dunno if its because the Man is there with me… or if it’s the church itself…  but none the less… I like it.  Afterward the kids and I went to lunch with the Man and it was good. Good food and good company. Still really dunno whats up or where its going.. and honestly… as much as I want to be like “hey whats the deal” I have put this in God’s hands… I have complete faith in HIM over this area of my life…  I know he’s making me ready for my husband and my husband ready for me… whether it’s the Man or not… I dunno.. and maybe the Man is just supposed to be a distraction to keep my heart occupied and my eyes set on the Lord till the right man does come a long. I really dunno..  I do know how I feel about the Man tho… and I guess only time will tell with it all J.   

Last night I had a really hard time falling asleep, even tho I was exhausted… but I know the Lord kept me awake cuz my BFF needed to talk. So I talked with him for a bit…and I can’t go into detail about the convo… all I have to say is that the Lord has a great sense of humor… J

God Bless YOU

Overthinking Mama 

Realization Friday

I have been slacking at doing this today… or really all week at my blogging.. and I am not really sure why… L I apologize.. maybe ill make up for it this weekend… and maybe not.. we shall see… but it is Friday..so with out any further adue….

This week I have come to realize:

~ That I can not do this alone!!! I need God

~ I still suck very much at patience.

~ That God Is So Good

~ That I have great friends and family.

~ That miracles do happen.

~ That there are some awesome people out there that are willing to help you in any way that they can.

~ That there will always someone out there that will be against you… even if you do nothing wrong.

That’s it for now… L

Hope ya’ll have a blessed weekend!!!

God Bless You

Overthinking Mama