Devil in a blue dress.

Well since I have last posted... I have struggling with so many things.

I am really starting to think the devil is after me hard.

This has been a very hard month!! I have feel so blessed in so many ways but its been a struggle.

I know it was God that Brett and I are back together.

I know it was God that I now have a part time job.

I know it was God that moved and blessed so many situations in my life.

I feel like because I was so close to God and I was receiving blessings the devil has to come after me.

With in the first couple weeks of getting the job, I got the flu and missed a day of work.  My daughter missed a day of school, so I had to miss work.  From the time that I got the flu, I continued to just feel blah.  Extremely tired, light headed, nauseated.  -

Brett and I have had petty little fights about stuff. We always talk everything out and are fine... but still I hate that we have our little "fights".

Last week as I was going to sleep... I felt this negative demonic presence next to me- next to the bed... I heard it whispering to me... " I see the wall"  I felt paralyzed. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak...nothing! Finally I was able to break free from this. The next morning however I woke up with such a horrible stiff neck that I was in tears from pain!!!  The pain lasted strong for at least 3 or 4 days... My neck still is sore but no where near that.

I have been dealing with my depression hardcore for the last month. Just have felt worthless... like I am a bad mom... like all I do is nag and complain. I have started worrying about finances and if I am going to be able to pay all of my bills. I am exhasuted mentally, physically and spiritually. Every single day has been a struggle.

But I know my God loves me!!! I know He's right here with me. And the struggles lead to strength... strength in my faith... strength in my love... strength in my mind.

My God is an awesome God and even tho I may struggle from time to time...I know HE has a great plan for all of this!!!  I know that the closer I get to the Lord... the more the devil will have to work to get me back... except... IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!! I may fail, mess up and sin... but my heart belongs to my Lord. PERIOD!!!

Love and Blessings
Overthinking Mama

My Challange

The Challange... if i choose to accept it (good chance i will) is to think more positive... focus on my blessings... dont look at life as the "glass half empty" but as its half full...

I have learned over the years that even tho I do try and look to the positive... I have a tendency to focus on the negativity.. focus on what I dont have and what other do have...

It really bothered me that my friends on facebook, twitter, real-life had these "perfect" lives... never anything negative in their status updates... perfect kids, man, house, etc... and it bugged me...

then i realized 2 things...

1- their life aint perfect.. and some far from perfect.. but they focused on the positive and that is why it seemed so good... even if it wasnt

2- thats coveting! i was coveting their life... i didnt even realize i was sinning!!!

So yesterday was my 28th birthday... and I told myself, I am going to become one of those positive people... I am going to try and look at everything with rose colored glasses on and make the best out of everything...
I already know I will faulter here and there... but even in less than the 24 hrs its been... I already feel better about life... its amazing how that happens!