Story Time Thursday- 1/B

I decided to tell a new story...  A story of a New Love. A Fated Love...  hope you enjoy the first part... 

It was January. So cold outside. One of the coldest winters already, or at least it seemed like it to me. I was cold. I was heartbroken. I felt worthless, hell maybe it was true. I couldn’t keep a decent relationship for more than a few months. And to top it all off, the man that held my heart for so long, the one man that I couldn’t seem to get over completely, once again, just made me feel even more worthless. On the upside, I was on my way to New Orleans for my sister’s wedding. I was so excited. I had been looking forward to this weekend for so long. No kids, NO job, and hopefully No issues. I was really looking forward to this break. I really needed it. 

I got in late on Thursday. My other sister Julie was waiting for me at the hotel. I was so thankful for that. Our sister that was getting married, Maria, was already out on Bourbon Street. It was the night of her bachlorette party!  I was anxious about it. I didn’t want to have to try and find everyone in a different city and all the bars and craziness that goes on, on Bourbon Street. I was also really looking forward to this. I hadn’t been out in a long time. At least 3 or 4 months that I can remember. I wanted to get out, let loose, drink, dance, and just be free for a few hours. 

I needed to be free. The last few months had been… well heart breaking to say the least.  I gave my love another chance. My daughters father.. whom I should have known better. I should have know he was all just bull shit. Just talk. But a part of me hope… Hoped for the 4^th time that it wasn’t b.s. that it was true. He promised he would do right by me.. He promised he would be a father to our daughter. He promised he wouldn’t leave again. I was his heart. I should have known. A few months prior I fell into the lines he gave. Fell back into those thoughts of love… a true love, or so he said. The only thing I asked of him was to call my pastor, who I had already asked, to set up counseling sessions… He kept putting it off… Finally 2 months later I told him, he had till New Years.. then I was walking away for good… I had to. He would lose me forever… New Years came and went, and I realized how I wasn’t worth it to him. His family wasn’t worth it.  I wasn’t worth it.  I felt so small. So worthless. So much like nothing.  But I survived. 

Story Time Thursday- 5

That week went by so slow. I wanted it to be Thursday so bad. Izzy and I were going to go out karaoke-ing again and Ramon was supposed to come. 
Finally Thursday came. I emailed Ramon in the morning and asked him if he was still going to come out with us that night. He said of course. Nothing would stop him tonight.  I text Izzy and asked him again. He said yup, it was all good. I got excited!  
As soon as I got home, I started going through my closet trying to find just the right outfit. Ugh. I didn't have anything. I decided to run out to the mall. I called JoAnn and asked her if she wanted to run out to the mall with me. She said sure, so I went over and picked her up. 
Once I picked her up, I told her that I was going out singing with Izzy and that Ramon was supposed to meet us up there. She instantly got an attitude. 
"Why is Ramon going out with you? You don't like him do you. You know he's married!!" 
I just looked at her. 
"JoAnn you are the one who introduced me to him. We are just friends. I know he is married. That is a situation that I really don't want to get into. At all" 
" Are you still sleeping with Izzy?" she asked me almost jealously. 
I told her No. I hadn't slept with him in months. We had a few issues and had been able to stay friends. But that was a line that I didn't want to cross again.  
"Well you know he likes you right?" JoAnn said to me with annoyance in her voice. 
" JoAnn. We are just friends. Izzy knows that." 
I was starting to regret asking her to come shopping with me. Maybe I would had been better off just coming by myself. At least less stressed. GGRRR!! 
I finally found a cute outfit that I liked and left the mall and dropped JoAnn off. Luckily she was on the phone most of the time with her boyfriend. They were arguing over something stupid. As always.  But today I was very thankful for that. 
After I got home, I started thinking about Ramon. Ugh. I shouldn't be getting this excited to see him. Every time my phone went off, I was hoping it was him texting me and would get disappointed if it wasn't. I got butterflies just thinking about him.  This wasn't what I wanted. At least not with him and definitely not now. I was just recently divorced. I wasn't ready for this. 
I finished getting dressed and picked up Izzy. We were supposed to meet Ramon up there. He text me and said he would be a little late. I was thankful for that. I wanted to have a few drinks in me before he showed up so I wouldn't be so nervous. Ugh why was I like this. 


Ramon showed up about an hour later. I was on my 3rd drink and feeling pretty darn good.  When he walked up to the table, I just lit up.  He looked so good. And he had a big smile on his face. 
"Hey beautiful. Wow. you look great!" he said to me as he hugged me.  Man he smelled good. Not like anything I had ever smelled, not a normal cologne. I asked him what it was. 
He said it was Jamaican oils. His great grandmother was from Jamaica and when he was little she would send his dad these oils all the time. He also mentioned that he had a really hard time finding them in the states so he doesn't wear it very often. 
I got up to sing. I was nervous. The drinks didn't seem to take that edge off this time like they normally do.  I sang my favorite song, Traveling soldier by Dixie Chics. The song I always sang.  I knew it by heart.  
Afterward I went and sat down. Izzy was just shaking his head.
"damn girl. you sing good. I hate the Dixie Chics. But when you sing it I like them" I blushed a little bit. 
And of course Ramon had to pipe in. "Yea, you sang good Sally"  And then he got up and went and got us all some more drinks. 

Story Time Thursday-4

Ramon looked stunned. He couldn't believe that I. Just. Kissed. Him. He looked over at Izzy and apologized. Izzy just looked at him and said "its cool man, she ain't my girl" and then walked over to me laughing. He told me what Ramon said and his reply. I just laughed and walked over to JoAnn.  
It was Monday all too soon. I had a lot of fun going out with JoAnn and everyone on Saturday night. Ramon had text me all day Sunday and was now emailing me.  I tried to concentrate on work, but I really couldn't.  I knew he wasn't good for me.. Hell he was married, but I couldn't stop thinking about him.  
Aaron walked into the office and seen me smiling to myself.  New man? he asked. I said no. I don't know what you are talking about. Aaron new me better than that. He was my ex. I had hooked up with him as soon as my marriage had gone south. He was 12 years older than me and going through a divorce too. And some how... this man knew me better than even my husband did. Maybe that's what attracted to me to him in the first place? We didn't last very long tho. As fun as it was and as good as he was too me...  it got old. We had our different ideas and honestly I really couldn't handle the drinking every single night There were so many nights I would come over in the middle of the night to spend the rest of it with him, and he wouldn't remember me being there. That hurt more than I even realized at the time.  The last straw between me and Aaron was when I went over that one evening and he wasn't home. I waited for him for about 3 hours and when he got home  from the bar he had the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him.  I walked out of his house that night and never went back.  
It was tough the first month working together after that. But we managed and soon became friends again. There was still a chemistry between us but wasn't as strong as it once was, I guess because I knew that we could never be and could never last. But he was a good friend to me none the less. 
I can tell you have a new man in your life. I can see it in your eyes. You are glowing. Aaron taunted me. I again denied anything.  Told him he was crazy. I am not seeing anyone, nor do I want to be. I am not ready for all of that. 
He just laughed... and OK.. you can try and fool yourself, but you can't fool me.  And then walked back to his office... 
Damn, he knows me too well. 

Story Time Thursday-2

The next day I checked my email off and on all morning. Nothing from Ramon. My heart sank a little bit, but I really wasn't completely sure why. I didn't want to be anything more than friends. I was going thru a nasty divorce and the last thing I needed was drama from another man in my life.  

Finally at lunch time, I decided to just suck it up and email him. We were just friends right? So it really didn't matter who emailed who first.  I decided I would play it cool and just forward a joke email to him and see what happened from there.  Bout 10 minutes after I sent it I got a reply.  He apologized for not email me earlier. His wife found my email address and threw it away, plus he'd been looking for jobs all morning, but had been hoping I would email him first.  Wait! what? a wife!! what the hell? Drama.  Well we were just friends right?  So I replied back and asked him about his wife. He told me that he wanted a divorce and so did she. But right now neither could afford it. She was constantly lying to him and was cheating on him. They didn't sleep in the same bed together. Actually he slept down on the couch. The only reason why he was even staying with her was because he didn't have a job right now and couldn't afford his own place and she couldn't afford child care so he stayed and watched her kids during the day while she worked.   OK.. I guess that seemed legit... but all the more reason we would only be friends.  That was one thing I didn't want to get involved in.  We emailed back and forth a little bit more and I told him me and my good friend Izzy were going  out to sing karaoke at this lil bar in the next city. I told him, if he wanted he could meet us up there. He said sure and asked for my phone number.  I gave it to him and got his too.  We texted off and on the rest of the night. 

Izzy and I went up to the bar to sing. It was always a lot of fun. It was a weekly thing that me and him did.  We both had our songs that we always sang... Picture by kid rock and Sheryl Crowe- we always sang that one together. I always sang Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chics because I knew that one by heart. I wasn't really good but I loved to sing. Izzy on the other hand, well he was good.  About 1145pm came around and I got a text from Ramon.  He apologized and said he couldn't make it up there tonight.  His wife Christy's kid had a high temp. and he had to take them up to the ER. He was really sorry and really wished he could have came... I was a little disappointed. 

Changes

Alright. I am making some changes with my blog! :-) 

I am starting something new for my blog (and I really hope its successful) called Tell All Tuesdays. Every Tuesday I will feature a different person in my world, whether is the blogger world, the twitter world, facebook world or the real life world!  I have a bunch of questions I have gathered (thank you @myloveablelablesfor your help) to be answered. There are about 41 questions to be answered, but you only have to answer 10. You can answer more if you would like.. but at least 10 are needed for the post!  
Send me an email if you are interested is doing this with me!!! :-)  overthinkingmama@gmail.com. I am planning on starting this Next Tuesday! :-) 


Story time tuesdays will now be Story Time Thursdays. :-) Thank you for your understand on that! 




My week has been pretty good... Yesterday I woke up kinda depressed and just in a sour mood..  The day ended pretty good as my kids and my bf were able to put me into a much better mood.  I went and took my placement test for the college. Thank you for all the well wishes!! I think I did alright on the English part of it.. but I know I did horrible on the math. The whole thing took me about 2hrs to do!! I was exhausted by the time I was done!! I have to go back sometime this week to talk with a counselor about the results and find out about classed and also need to talk to the financial aid people too.  So I am excited for that.. tho I am really nervous about college overall, but I know it will be all good. 


I am trying to really think positive and start doing things differently in my life! 
Yesterday was really hard to think postitive with me being in a sour mood most of the day...  but I did try. Today has been better.. I am thinking positive about things and life.. I made sure I got up on time this morning... and had time to sit down and have a cup of coffee and read the bible and pray before work!! I am really happy about that. I wish I could have done that before the kids got up... but I will take what I can get.  It will be a challange but I know with the help of My Life Coach A New Breed Mom I can do this!! :-) 


Ps. Dont forget to send me your realizations for my Realization Friday post!! email me to the address above!! thanks! 


God Bless