Overthinking Mama: Getting Centered

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Getting Centered

I ended up waking up late this morning and missing church. I hate when that happens. It doesn’t happen a lot thankfully but it’s like by Sunday’s my body is just done from the week. Sunday morning comes along and I have to force myself just to get up and moving. Then as soon as I get home from church- it’s right to bed for a couple hour nap. That is my Sunday tradition. A Nap. Without it I don’t know how I would make it through the week… and sometimes the alarm just isn’t loud enough on Sunday morning. Then I have a struggle dialog in my head throughout the rest of my day. I should have gone to church. I feel guilty. I feel discouraged. Then the other side is telling me, I must have needed that extra sleep, that I needed this time at home, that I can have my time with God that I haven’t had in a very long time. I miss it so much.

I feel like I am stuck in a slump. Like there is so much I want to change and it’s like no matter what I do or think or plan…. I just can’t get any of it accomplished.

I want to start getting up early so I can have time with God before work… morning comes and I am so tired, I just want “5 more minutes”… until its the absolute last second before I have to leave for work and I run around like crazy trying to hurry and get ready.

I want to go to the gym after work. It is literally 5 minutes from my work, right on my way home… and I have my clothes and shoes in the car for the last 2 weeks so I can go straight after work… and yet I haven’t been once. I want to, but then I start thinking about all the people. Looking at me as I walk in. Judging me as I try to figure out what I want to do and how to do it. Laughing and whispering to their friends about me. And I know none of that is true nor does it matter, but in my head, it’s very true.

I just keep thinking if I get this done, I will have more time. If I get caught up with laundry, I can do more things I want. If I… If I… If I… The “if I’s” never seem to work out.

It is a daily struggle.

This song has helped me the last couple of days with just getting my mind and spirit centered where it needs to be.