what the hell was i thinking?

I was debating on even writing about this... but i need to vent.. and that's what this blog is for right?? 


So here it goes... 


My daughters father.. in my opinion.. is ugh. there are no words that describe what I am feeling towards him right this minute. 


Maybe its the fact that I am already in a pissy mood... or the fact that I am just really getting tired of the whole situation.. or the fact that I am already in a pissy mood... This man just gets under my skin...  and I am tired of dealing with him. 
If I didn't want to know it was him texting me... I would delete his number from my phone. 


This man hasn't seen his daughter away from me... since... April maybe..  He came over once in May to see her at my house... and then once I think in July as he drove by in his work truck to see her for a total of maybe 2 minutes... He was there for her first day of school, bought her a stuffed animal and that has been it. 


He text me either Monday or Tuesday of this week and asked if he could maybe see her Wednesday since that is his only day off during the week. Um sorry dickweed.. you know she's in school on Wednesdays.. oh you forgot? well maybe if you were involved a little bit more, you wouldn't have forgotten.  What about after work one night? Ya know I go to school every single night of the week... I can drop her off and pick her up so you don't even have to worry about that?? hows that sound.. oh. yea. you can't. Right. 


Well how about taking her overnight this Saturday? oh. you are going out of town. Ok.  


Why do I bother? Why do I try and force this man to be a father to his daughter? Why do I bother to put in this much effort when obviously.. It don't matter to him??


OH and the funniest thing he said to me... I don't want her calling any of your boyfriends daddy or thinking of them like that...  Sorry hun, that really ain't up to you.. If they are there in her life more than you... you only have yourself to blame on that one.  


I am tried of trying to beg you to see your daughter... She's available anytime you want her for the most part... but wait you don't ask.  I have never kept her from you like your other ex's have your other kids... yet.. you still don't see her.  


why do I bother? Oh yea. I guess its because I am hoping one day that maybe you will grows some balls and man up and be the father that MY daughter needs in her life...  because I don't want MY daughter growing up thinking her father doesn't love her... because I have already answered the question to your other kids on why doesn't their daddy want to see them... I don't want to have to answer that question to her... Thank God she doesn't get it yet... She doesn't think this is abnormal.. but she will, especially because he brother's father is a man and get him as much as possible. 


Here's a hint...  put her first in your life for once... NOT YOURSELF