him

Ive tried... but now I really do think its time to move forward... I have been stuck on him for so long... too long... and have had to endure so much pain... so much hurt... and I know its made me a better person... but really? why do I keep going back to that?

I look at him and I am starting to see him better.. see him for him. who he really is.. He is selfish. He is selfcentered.. He cares more about himself than anyone in his life including his own flesh n blood...

The more I look at him, the more I see him, the more I talk to him, watch him and hear him talk... the more I realize he aint the man I want to spend my life with... I would never truely be happy. Not in the way that I want.
He could be a friend... but nothing more.

I worry that I will never love another man as strongly as I love him... but I know one day I will... I will always have a love for him, but one day when I meet the man that God has intended for me, I will fall in love farther than I ever thought possible.

I can never be truely happy or truely satisfied with him. He is not a man of God and the more I am around him the more that I see that... I see the way he mocks me, the way he judges me, and they way that no matter what I do, say, look, smell or anything... Its never enough for a simple compliement... unless he wants something...

I told him I would give him till the end of the year... and its fast approaching... I know he wont change so I dont know why I even give him the chance to just hurt me... but I will give him that chance... if he doesnt make the one thing I asked of him by then... I will completely walk away.. and NOT LOOK BACK this time...

Because I deserve better than what he can give me!