Past...

At church yesterday, one of the members got up and talked to us about a hard time he had had in his life. He gave us this quote from Warren Wiersbe: "...the past must be a rudder to guide us in the future and not an anchor to hold us back..." . That really hit home for me.


The previous night I spent crying. I had no kids, yet nothing to do... except think, and think I did... about my past, about my hurt, and I dwelled on that hurt... till it consumed me... and till this day I am still depressed from it. I was up till about 330am crying and thinking unable to sleep. Feeling so alone in this world dwelling on my past.


My past has become an anchor.


My past is holding me back from living. From loving. From beingcompletely happy.

I still hurt from my past...

I have come to realize... i am in mourning... mourning over my life... my past.. my friends... and how things are changing...

I am realizing that the friends and the life I have had is slowly drifting away... and to a point it makes me sad... also makes me a little nervous about what the future is going to bring...
I need to realize that situations are changing, that the people in my life are changing...
I need to realize that I have kids, some people arent' going to wanna deal with kids or with me having to get a sitter. I need to realize that I am single... so I am not going to be invited to things where there are all couples. I need to realize that I am a Christian and some people arent going to wanna be around that.
I need to realize that I can't dwell on these things so much. That I need to dwell on the Lord for my happiness and not everyone else. That I have a GREAT future planned out for me by my Father...
I wonder where my path will lead me...