This past couple weeks have been a big struggle for me. I have come to realize that I need help and the help is in the form of medication. I don't want to admit it. I don't want to think that I may need to be on meds the rest of my life, but I might.
The last couple months have been hard and the last week has been hell to say the least. If something was to go wrong this week, it did.
Dealing with negative situation, negative people, and feeling very overwhelmed pushed me to my limits.
It pushed me to call my doctor and beg for a refill on my anti-depressant. And yes I had to beg. lol. I had been getting it from my ob/gyn, I was out of refill and had been waiting to get into my family doctor and can't get in with her till June. (New patients have to wait forever). When I called my OB/GYN, I was told that she can't refill it because I am not longer considered postpartum (10 months after I have a baby) and I need to wait till I am seen by my family doctor. I explained that I can't get in to her till June and so that mean I am going to have to suffer till then. The secretary was understanding but said that there was nothing she could do and she was really sorry. I all but broke down on the phone. I called my family doc and tried to get a sooner appointment, dealt with a not so nice woman about who pretty much told be that I need to just keep my appointment where it is because I am new and its not an emergency. I was so upset. God was with me though, He was looking over me and placed it on the heart of my ob/gyn and she sent in a refill to last me till I am able to see my family doc.
I hate admitting that I am weak. I hate admitting that I need to be on the anti-depressant. I am afraid that some day it will be used against me some how that I need meds.
This is not my fault. This is not my choosing. I am not wanting, choosing or deciding to be depressed. It is not because of one thing or another that happens in my life... it is an imbalance chemically in me. The things in my life that go wrong trigger it and to someone on the outside it may look like a small thing, but to me it seems like a mountain.
I see that things are small but no matter how hard I try, with out the meds, I can't control my reaction. It feels like a mountain in front of me.
I have never been like this before. I have always struggled with depression but with out meds, I could handle it. Now, its seems like I am in a dark room and I can't get out. I hope that one day I will be able to get to where I don't need the meds again, and I don't know why right now is different, if it is because I am still dealing with postpartum depression, if I have an imbalance because of having two babies back to back or what it is... but right now, I need the help.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Dear Samipooh 2/23/16
Dear Samipooh!
First and foremost I want to tell you how much I love you.
You have been our daughter for almost two years now. Wow. crazy that its only been that long. I feel like you have always been here, that you have always been part of our family-that you have always been our daughter.
We have had some ups and downs and even though there I days I feel like I want to pull my hair out or just crawl into a corner and bawl my eyes out like a little baby, I would't trade any of it for the world.
You are such a bright sweet and beautiful little girl. I don't know the extent of everything that you have gone through before you came to be our daughter and I hate that you had to go through any of that or had to be taken away from your mom, but I am thankful that I now get to be your mom.
The past couple years that you have been with us have been amazing! I have watched you grow up in so many ways. I am so thankful to be your mom.
I love you!
Your Mama!
First and foremost I want to tell you how much I love you.
You have been our daughter for almost two years now. Wow. crazy that its only been that long. I feel like you have always been here, that you have always been part of our family-that you have always been our daughter.
We have had some ups and downs and even though there I days I feel like I want to pull my hair out or just crawl into a corner and bawl my eyes out like a little baby, I would't trade any of it for the world.
You are such a bright sweet and beautiful little girl. I don't know the extent of everything that you have gone through before you came to be our daughter and I hate that you had to go through any of that or had to be taken away from your mom, but I am thankful that I now get to be your mom.
The past couple years that you have been with us have been amazing! I have watched you grow up in so many ways. I am so thankful to be your mom.
I love you!
Your Mama!
Friday, February 26, 2016
Phases
It's not that I don't want to talk to someone or that I am upset or anything like that... Its almost like I just don't have the energy to make a conversation in my head and then get it out verbally or via text.
Right now for the past couple weeks I have been very irritable and very easily frustrated. I hate feeling like this. And it seems like nothing I do, changes it. Every little thing upset me.
The babies cry too much.
The babies want to be held too much.
The big girls don't listen.
The big girls don't clean up after themselves.
The boy wants to procrastinate till the last minute and then rush everyone else like he's been ready the whole time.
The hubby doesn't pick up after himself.
The hubby just throws his clothes wherever and everywhere.
The father thinks that calling at 7am when he knows I am trying to get everyone out of the house and to school on time is a good time to call and ask me to stop over and change a light bulb.
Everyone thinks that I just sit on my phone all day and night and when they text, call, message, that I should reply instantly.
That people call to make an appointment, don't give me an option to say no, and then show up for said appointment 2 hours early and act like we were the one in the wrong.
*sigh*
With all that going on, its hard for me to have the extra energy to make a conversation with anyone... so I would rather just not. But I do. I force myself. Because I know the longer I go with out talking to people, the more I seclude myself- the deeper down the dark hole I will go. I need others in my life to keep me from drowning in that hole of darkness.
It can be a fight and battle everyday... but it is a necessary one.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Friday, February 19, 2016
God's way of working
My Dad has been saying for months how he wishes he could spend more time with the babies so that they know him... Well God has a way of working things out.
Right before New Years, my dad's hot water tank sprung a leak and water went everywhere in his house. We called in Servpro and had it cleaned up and then the insurance company had contractors come out to replace all the damaged areas. This was a living hell for my dad. He hates change and he hates paying money. Well that is something that happened here.. change and paying money (deductible).
While Servpro was drying up and cleaning out the damaged areas, my dad came to stay a few nights with us.
Last week when the contractors were working on certain rooms in his house, my dad came to stay with us. And this week as the contractors were finishing up certain rooms, my dad came to stay with us.
And during this time... he got to spend a lot of time with his grandbabies.
He got to have sleepovers with the big girls as they stayed up with him and watched tv and then fell asleep with him on the couch. He got to talk sports with his only grandson daily. He got to cuddle with two adorable babies every morning he was there. And he got to be the one my Madybear (18mo old) would sneak out to in the middle of the night or early morning to snuggle with on the couch. God answered his prayer.
Yea, this time was rough on occasion... but God used what was a bad incident and turned it into something great... even an answered prayer.
How many times have we prayed about something and then an accident occurs? We are normally so focused on the negative aspect of it that we forget to look for the blessings that come along with it- and that answered prayer.
God doesn't always just "poof" here's your answer. Sometimes he works those answers into struggles that you are going through. So the next time you are struggling with something... be patient, take a deep breath and remember to look for the blessings that may be in that struggle... and remember to always look back and figure out what lessons He was trying to teach.
Right before New Years, my dad's hot water tank sprung a leak and water went everywhere in his house. We called in Servpro and had it cleaned up and then the insurance company had contractors come out to replace all the damaged areas. This was a living hell for my dad. He hates change and he hates paying money. Well that is something that happened here.. change and paying money (deductible).
While Servpro was drying up and cleaning out the damaged areas, my dad came to stay a few nights with us.
Last week when the contractors were working on certain rooms in his house, my dad came to stay with us. And this week as the contractors were finishing up certain rooms, my dad came to stay with us.
And during this time... he got to spend a lot of time with his grandbabies.
He got to have sleepovers with the big girls as they stayed up with him and watched tv and then fell asleep with him on the couch. He got to talk sports with his only grandson daily. He got to cuddle with two adorable babies every morning he was there. And he got to be the one my Madybear (18mo old) would sneak out to in the middle of the night or early morning to snuggle with on the couch. God answered his prayer.
Yea, this time was rough on occasion... but God used what was a bad incident and turned it into something great... even an answered prayer.
How many times have we prayed about something and then an accident occurs? We are normally so focused on the negative aspect of it that we forget to look for the blessings that come along with it- and that answered prayer.
God doesn't always just "poof" here's your answer. Sometimes he works those answers into struggles that you are going through. So the next time you are struggling with something... be patient, take a deep breath and remember to look for the blessings that may be in that struggle... and remember to always look back and figure out what lessons He was trying to teach.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Not having it all together
I seriously am so far from having it all together that I feel like I am losing my mind lately!
#Mommyfail #1 today...
I had an appoint this morning for Lilybee for developmental therapy. Yeah... Completely forgot about it. Completely. Total. Mind. Slipped.
I traded days for work. I took yesterday off since the kids were off school and Madybear had a doctors appointment and planned on coming in today. I double checked the calendar to make sure nothing was going on today and I thought it was all clear.
I get almost all the way into work... with no kids... and I get a call from the DT person and yeah- Light Bulb! I remembered it was the 16th and I had an appointment at 8:30 with her!
*sigh*
I don't know how moms of more than one kid do it.
Anymore I am lucky I remember to put underware on in the mornings! Seriously. My brain is that spastic lately! My days are all jumbled, I am lucky if I remember what day it actually is. I am trying to remember everything that needs done for all 5 kids, my husband, my father and myself.
I was all excited this morning because I knew what I was going to cook for dinner tonight. Was going to stop on my way to work to get all the items, even had tomorrow's dinner planned out... and then I get the call and that happy little bubble burst- raining down on me.
OH Well. Tis life anymore it seems! lol.
Guess I need to make better ToDo lists and put 15 calendars around the house with everything on them so that way I can remember what day it is and when I have something scheduled.
Happy Mond... eerrr... I mean Tuesday Ya'll!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
#Mommyfail #1 today...
I had an appoint this morning for Lilybee for developmental therapy. Yeah... Completely forgot about it. Completely. Total. Mind. Slipped.
I traded days for work. I took yesterday off since the kids were off school and Madybear had a doctors appointment and planned on coming in today. I double checked the calendar to make sure nothing was going on today and I thought it was all clear.
I get almost all the way into work... with no kids... and I get a call from the DT person and yeah- Light Bulb! I remembered it was the 16th and I had an appointment at 8:30 with her!
*sigh*
I don't know how moms of more than one kid do it.
Anymore I am lucky I remember to put underware on in the mornings! Seriously. My brain is that spastic lately! My days are all jumbled, I am lucky if I remember what day it actually is. I am trying to remember everything that needs done for all 5 kids, my husband, my father and myself.
I was all excited this morning because I knew what I was going to cook for dinner tonight. Was going to stop on my way to work to get all the items, even had tomorrow's dinner planned out... and then I get the call and that happy little bubble burst- raining down on me.
OH Well. Tis life anymore it seems! lol.
Guess I need to make better ToDo lists and put 15 calendars around the house with everything on them so that way I can remember what day it is and when I have something scheduled.
Happy Mond... eerrr... I mean Tuesday Ya'll!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Good Question
The question asked on Facebook was this: Who comes first in a woman's life? Husband, Father, Baby daddy or Son?
There was a lot of great answers.
Mine was pretty much the son should come first. Kids should come first above all else.
These were a couple of the replies that really made me think.
My initial answer was that the son/kids should always come first. But if you go by God's word- God comes first, then the husband and then the rest of the family. My mindset for the last 9yrs was always that my kids came first- Period.
I think that is a mindset that single women have- kids come first. Which after God- it should be. But once you get married everything changes. I really think that its a hard concept to switch to, especially when you have has the mindset of kids first for so long. You get used to that and so do the kids. I think it is hard to switch priorites especially if the man you are marrying isn't the father of the kids.
Maybe that is part of the reason that many blended families don't work. The woman has always put the kids first and once there is a man there it is a constant struggle of who to put first. Your husband wants to be first... the kids are used to being first. It can be a very hard battle.
What are your thoughts?
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Monday, December 14, 2015
The weekend
This past weekend was pretty good! Nothing overly exciting happened, but overall it was good.
Friday night we went to Home Depot to just look around and Mady absolutely loved it!!! She didn't want to leave the Christmas section. She kept running back over to there and didn't even care one bit that we weren't with her! That girl is going to be a handful!! lol
Saturday, my hubby was off work so we were able to spend the day together... Christmas shopping. The big girls went to Grami's to stay the night and the hubs and I got to spend time with the babies. We watched a couple movies and wrapped the big girls gifts.
Sunday Hubs had to work. He got to take pictures of Santa and all the customers that came into the store. The girls and I went shopping with Grami and then the girls and I went to hubs store and got their picture taken with santa. (see above)
After Hubs got home from work- we went to my moms for dinner and then home again.
Nothing too exciting, but it was a good weekend together!
Hope yours was lovely!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
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