It has been way to long since I've last posted. Things have been a bit crazy in the last few weeks...
I am still trying to get used to the whole getting up at 6am to get the kids ready for school. Ugh. It's tough!!
Something that I have been wanting write about for at least the last couple weeks is just how amazed I am at my Lord. I can look back at the last 5-6 months and see how much He has worked in my life. How much He has been there. How much He has been there helping navigate... and helped me get back onto the right path towards HIM.
Last March I met a man and even tho at that time I really didn't want a boyfriend at all... this man pursued me... and we started dating, fell in love, and I thought he was "the one". But then we started living our relationship how both of always had with others in our past. We were living our relationship in the way of the world. He started staying the night more and more and we were sleeping together intimately more and more. The devil started to win the relationship... and slowly we started to crumble because we didn't have Jesus in the middle of us. It was only us.
We ended up breaking up... and because of a few things I put a wall up and even though he wanted to work things out, I couldn't let him because of that wall... and now looking back, I know that it was supposed to happen. If I had let him back in at that moment, we would have ended up just right back in the way of the world all over again. I wasn't strong enough at that point. I wasn't strong enough to say No if he tried to get in my pants.
During the next few months, he continued to pursue me. I tried to push him away. And I let the devil pull me closer to him and I became having an intimate relationship with another man. That was all there was between me and the other man really because I didn't want more. No matter how hard I tried to "like" this other man in any type of way... I couldn't. My heart was closed off to everyone.
This went on for a few months till probably about a month/month and a half ago when I felt God telling me one Sunday that I needed to stop. I needed to live the life that He wanted me to. I needed to live the life that I wanted. I had started taking biblical classes that lead to becoming a pastor. How could I keep living the life that I was and be pursuing something like that. So I told the other man that I needed to stop. He was upset and didn't understand why. He took it personal and thought that maybe there was someone else. The only other person there was- was Jesus. It was a hard choice to make, but it was one that needed to be made.
The man that had broke up with me was still pursuing me... and I still continued to push him away. I wanted to grow in my relationship with God before I could ever even consider having a relationship with someone else...
God continued to work with me... with my heart... and eventually it began to soften towards that man again. Now we are taking it day by day... stregthening our relationship more and more and trying to put God in the middle of it this time. We about everything and anything. And anything that either of us have an issue with, we are talking it out, and working through everything... so I guess we shall see what the Lord has in mind. :-)
I am just in awe of the way the Lord has worked in my life... how he has used so many things in my life, to bring me back to him. How he has answered so many prayers of mine, and even more how he's not answered some.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Monday, November 4, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Small dreams
I have realized something about myself in the past few days.... I have small simple dreams... and I am not all that worried about being rich, a millionaire or anything like that. I just want to be able to spend time with my family. That is more important to me than anything else.
Thursday I took the kids to school. I get back home and realize that my son left his folder on the kitchen table. It had all his important stuff in it, so I ran it up to the school. Walking out of the school, I realized how much I really want to be home with my kids. How much I want to be there for them. How much I have missed out in the past years since I worked full time. I said a prayer that God would find me a way to make that happen. Later that day I met with a friend and we sat and talked for almost 4 hours! While we were talking she brought up a business opportunity. Later that day I went and listened to the presentation and it just sounded wonderful. I met with my friends "mentor" the next day to talk more. He asked me what my dreams were. The only thing I really could tell him was that I wanted to be home with my kids. I think he may have thought that I was slightly crazy because I didn't have huge dreams of having a mansion or traveling the world or anything like that. He asked me to think about other things that I want... I had to sit there and really thing for awhile in order to give him answer. For the first time in my life, I am so happy with what I have. A home for my babies, its small but its filled with love. I have my babies, a wonderful family, and great friends. And I have time!!! Time to be with my babies!!! That to me means more than anything else.
Being laid off these past few months seriously has been an absolute blessing to me. I am so thankful that God put me here! It has opened my eyes to so much. Yea when I was working I always said that I wanted to not have to ever work again, but it was more because I didnt want to work there, not because I wanted to be home to be a better mom for my kids. I thought I was doing ok. This time off has opened my eyes and showed me how much better I could be.
I know eventually I will have to back to work since I am a single mom and I am the only one bringing in an income. But I think this time around, my priorities will be different this time around.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Thursday I took the kids to school. I get back home and realize that my son left his folder on the kitchen table. It had all his important stuff in it, so I ran it up to the school. Walking out of the school, I realized how much I really want to be home with my kids. How much I want to be there for them. How much I have missed out in the past years since I worked full time. I said a prayer that God would find me a way to make that happen. Later that day I met with a friend and we sat and talked for almost 4 hours! While we were talking she brought up a business opportunity. Later that day I went and listened to the presentation and it just sounded wonderful. I met with my friends "mentor" the next day to talk more. He asked me what my dreams were. The only thing I really could tell him was that I wanted to be home with my kids. I think he may have thought that I was slightly crazy because I didn't have huge dreams of having a mansion or traveling the world or anything like that. He asked me to think about other things that I want... I had to sit there and really thing for awhile in order to give him answer. For the first time in my life, I am so happy with what I have. A home for my babies, its small but its filled with love. I have my babies, a wonderful family, and great friends. And I have time!!! Time to be with my babies!!! That to me means more than anything else.
Being laid off these past few months seriously has been an absolute blessing to me. I am so thankful that God put me here! It has opened my eyes to so much. Yea when I was working I always said that I wanted to not have to ever work again, but it was more because I didnt want to work there, not because I wanted to be home to be a better mom for my kids. I thought I was doing ok. This time off has opened my eyes and showed me how much better I could be.
I know eventually I will have to back to work since I am a single mom and I am the only one bringing in an income. But I think this time around, my priorities will be different this time around.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Friday, September 13, 2013
Interviews and openness
I had so many different things that I wanted to write about. Of course tho, as soon as I sit down and start typing, my mind goes blank.
I have been fighting a cold this week. With the temperatures going from 70 to 92 to 65... my body isn't handling it very well. I felt better yesterday but today when I woke my nose is running like crazy again. Ugh.
I had an interview yesterday. I think it went pretty good. I was told that the manager would be calling me in for an interview. I think the guy that interviewed me yesterday was impressed with me. :-) The one thing he was unsure about was my piercings and tattoos. :-( I may have to take some out and cover others up. UGH!! I wish people looked at your qualification more than what you look like. Its not like I am crazy looking. My piercings are small and concervative. I don't have rings and rings and rings everywhere. I am not covered in tattoos. And the ones I do have are nice, not satanic, not dark and depressing, not negative or provocative looking. They are flowers that I get so many compliments on from senior citizens to young people. And I don't know, I might even bring more business because the people that have piercings and tattoos would not feel so judged by someone that doesn't have them!
I was told a quote by someone the other day that said: The difference between people with tattoos and people without is that the people without tattoos don't care if you don't have tattoos. And it is so true. I have yet to meet someone that has a tattoo that judges someone because they are not tattooed. So I guess we shall see how it all goes. Its in God's hands.
I have another interview today at a Nursing home for accounting. So we shall see how that goes! again... it's in God's hands.
These past few months off had made me really realize that I would love to be a stay at home or just work part time if i could. I love being able to get the kids to and from school. Helping with homework everyday. If they are sick, being able to stay home with them and not have to worry about pay or not have to worry about getting fired. I love being able to make their beds after they are gone to school and get the house cleaned up. Love being able to have time to myself. Love being able to go grocery shopping and not worry about them acting crazy in the store or being at home with a sitter and I have to rush. I want to be here for them. I have felt so out of their life for the past 11 years. I have always worked. This is the first time (other than maternity leave) that I have been able to be there for them. Been able to spend all summer with them. Been able to help them every day with homework. This is the first time in I don't know how long that I haven't felt like a failure as a mom. I doubt I will ever be able to be a stay at home mom. I know whatever God's plan for me is good. It will work out. I am just hoping that some how being home with the kids more is a big part of the plan and not me always rushing and struggling. I know God has a plan.
This past week or two I have realized a precious gift that God has given me... The gift of a gentle heart and an open mind. The past couple weeks I have had more people come to me with their issues, problems or whatnot. People I never would have ever expected to come to me for anything like this. Never thought I would be the person that they would come to for advice or anything... from my best friend, to a stranger, to my daughters father to other ex boyfriends, male friends, friends of friends. They all haven't been in the last week but over the past years. But this past week with some people coming to me... its made me realize everyone in my life that has. I am so thankful that I am able to be there for them in anyway that I can. I am happy that they trust me enough to confide in me with their issues. A lot of people think I am crazy for it. But its who I am. I want to help anyone. Even if you have hurt me, screwed me over, it is what it is. There was a reason at the time, and the past is the past. No point in dwelling.
Alright now I feel like I am rambling on. Time to get up and shower and get ready for the interview. Wish me luck!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
I have been fighting a cold this week. With the temperatures going from 70 to 92 to 65... my body isn't handling it very well. I felt better yesterday but today when I woke my nose is running like crazy again. Ugh.
I had an interview yesterday. I think it went pretty good. I was told that the manager would be calling me in for an interview. I think the guy that interviewed me yesterday was impressed with me. :-) The one thing he was unsure about was my piercings and tattoos. :-( I may have to take some out and cover others up. UGH!! I wish people looked at your qualification more than what you look like. Its not like I am crazy looking. My piercings are small and concervative. I don't have rings and rings and rings everywhere. I am not covered in tattoos. And the ones I do have are nice, not satanic, not dark and depressing, not negative or provocative looking. They are flowers that I get so many compliments on from senior citizens to young people. And I don't know, I might even bring more business because the people that have piercings and tattoos would not feel so judged by someone that doesn't have them!
I was told a quote by someone the other day that said: The difference between people with tattoos and people without is that the people without tattoos don't care if you don't have tattoos. And it is so true. I have yet to meet someone that has a tattoo that judges someone because they are not tattooed. So I guess we shall see how it all goes. Its in God's hands.
I have another interview today at a Nursing home for accounting. So we shall see how that goes! again... it's in God's hands.
These past few months off had made me really realize that I would love to be a stay at home or just work part time if i could. I love being able to get the kids to and from school. Helping with homework everyday. If they are sick, being able to stay home with them and not have to worry about pay or not have to worry about getting fired. I love being able to make their beds after they are gone to school and get the house cleaned up. Love being able to have time to myself. Love being able to go grocery shopping and not worry about them acting crazy in the store or being at home with a sitter and I have to rush. I want to be here for them. I have felt so out of their life for the past 11 years. I have always worked. This is the first time (other than maternity leave) that I have been able to be there for them. Been able to spend all summer with them. Been able to help them every day with homework. This is the first time in I don't know how long that I haven't felt like a failure as a mom. I doubt I will ever be able to be a stay at home mom. I know whatever God's plan for me is good. It will work out. I am just hoping that some how being home with the kids more is a big part of the plan and not me always rushing and struggling. I know God has a plan.
This past week or two I have realized a precious gift that God has given me... The gift of a gentle heart and an open mind. The past couple weeks I have had more people come to me with their issues, problems or whatnot. People I never would have ever expected to come to me for anything like this. Never thought I would be the person that they would come to for advice or anything... from my best friend, to a stranger, to my daughters father to other ex boyfriends, male friends, friends of friends. They all haven't been in the last week but over the past years. But this past week with some people coming to me... its made me realize everyone in my life that has. I am so thankful that I am able to be there for them in anyway that I can. I am happy that they trust me enough to confide in me with their issues. A lot of people think I am crazy for it. But its who I am. I want to help anyone. Even if you have hurt me, screwed me over, it is what it is. There was a reason at the time, and the past is the past. No point in dwelling.
Alright now I feel like I am rambling on. Time to get up and shower and get ready for the interview. Wish me luck!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Fair and First day of school!
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| Kids riding the spinny bear ride |
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| The goat really liked Lil man! |
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| maybe a little too much. haha |
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| They look so thrilled... but they loved this ride! |
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| and this is what I got to wake up to... oye!!! |
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| We got to feed the white tiger! |
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| riding the pony! |
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| and she almost fell off her pony! |
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| First day of 6th grade |
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| First day of first day! |
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| and yea... some how I got talked into getting a bunny at the fair. |
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| well the dogs seem to like the bunny at least! |
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Friday, August 23, 2013
almost school time.
This is what I woke up to the other morning. UGH!!
Thankfully- the kids cleaned it all up. lol.
This is the last week before school starts. So we have been trying to actually have a bed time and sticking to it. Its been tough. I am not looking to that part of next week. Both kids are starting a new school on monday. And the new school will be starting earlier. 740am... and Lil man has to be on his bus by 650!!! OYE!!! to be early mornings from now on!! That means earlier bed times. We can do it tho!! I am anxious, excited, nervous and idk... just feeling crazy about the new school for both of them! I am hoping and praying that I made the right choice in sending them to this school system and that they both will prosper there. I have put it all in God's hands. Baby girl is super excited to be going to school. That is all she has talked about for the last 2 days!!! Also the fact that she will have a locker this year too.... so now she wants to go and get stuff to decorate her locker with! lol That was the first thing she said to me this morning, "mommy, are we going to get the stuff formy locker today??? Why can't we go to the school today so I can decorate it??" LOL. I hope that entusiasim lasts!!!
Alright.. i have a long list of things that I need to get done.
Have a great weekend!!!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Saturday laziness
I really need to get up and get the house cleaned up, shower, get to the store and get set up for the "back to school" purse, jewelry and scentsy party I am having today... but instead I am sitting here typing this out. I just have the urge to type... Have you ever had that urge?? Just to hear the keys click rapidly as you type something...anything out? I don't know why but it makes me feel better... makes me rejuvinated just a little bit. Maybe because when I was younger I would watch my mom type something out and I would watch in awe at how fast she could type. All I could do was peck really quick. lol. In high school I had the opportunity to take a typing class.. and I loved it. And now, I can type. And I love typing! I love hearing that sound, feeling the keys under my fingers, thinking a work and not putting any effort into it and boom- there is the word on the screen. Its like my fingers are my mouth and instead of speaking- my voice is readable not audible.
Yea... I am having odd thoughts today. lol.
I am actually feeling a bit down today. I don't really know why. I just am. :-( I have been feeling blah for the past week or so... I know eventually the feeling will pass.. but for now.... this sucks. lol. I have faith tho.
1 more week then the kids go back to school. I am a little worried for them. They will be going to a whole new school. All new friends. And they will be riding the bus. I am really worried for my daughter... she's never rode the bus before. I worry that she won't know her stop after school, that she won't be able to find her class room and get lost. I will be a nervous wreck those first few days that they will be learning it all for the first times. But I know that it will be a good experience for both of them... it will help them be more independent and more self assured in the long run. And I have faith in the Lord that he will be there protecting them and guiding them.
Alright... I need to get up and get moving... tho its easier said than done... these two make it hard to move.. lol.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
My prayer for today
Oh my Lord Father,
I feel so distant from you lately. I don't know what to do to get back close to you. I worship, I pray, I read the bible, I write in my journal, I do everything I always have done... yet I don't feel that closeness that I love. I want to feel your love washing down over me through out my day. Instead I feel easily distracted, easily frustrated and little patience with my kids, with friends, with family, with life.
I need you. I know you are still here. I know you still love me the same. I know that this is just part of any relationship. There are times you feel super close and times you don't. I still am here. I am still in love with you. That will never change. You are the reason I am here. You are the reason why I have been able to get through life.
I love you Lord.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
I feel so distant from you lately. I don't know what to do to get back close to you. I worship, I pray, I read the bible, I write in my journal, I do everything I always have done... yet I don't feel that closeness that I love. I want to feel your love washing down over me through out my day. Instead I feel easily distracted, easily frustrated and little patience with my kids, with friends, with family, with life.
I need you. I know you are still here. I know you still love me the same. I know that this is just part of any relationship. There are times you feel super close and times you don't. I still am here. I am still in love with you. That will never change. You are the reason I am here. You are the reason why I have been able to get through life.
I love you Lord.
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama
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