Christmas thinkin...

I am been thinking about the whole Christmas story for the past week or so.   Thinking about Jesus being born... thinking of Mary.

Mary.  A young girl, maybe somewhere between 12-15 years old.  Not married.  But pregnant.

Can you imagine the looks she got?  The whispers behind her back?  People probably tried to avoid her on the streets. Left rooms when she came in.  Being an unwed mother back then... could you imagine??
And then Joseph.  Put yourself in his shoes. The woman he loved, the woman he was engaged to marry is pregnant. BUT Its NOT his baby.  Can you imagine the thoughts that went thru his head? The doubt? The betrayl that he could have felt?

But the FAITH.  The faith that these two had in the Lord was amazing.  They had the faith to continue on.  To do what the Lord requested of them.  Mary carried that baby and gave birth to a precious little boy... Joseph stayed by her side through out the whole thing.

I just keep thinking about that... what they went thru and the faith that they had.  Could I do it?  Is my faith that strong??

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

2012

I tell people that I can't wait till this year is over and done with.

That this has seriously been a hard year.

I think I have struggled more with life this year, that I have in any other year.

This year, I have had the added responsiblity of helping my father out with EVERYTHING.
I take care of all of his finances.  At the begining of the year I was taking him to all of his doctor appts and if I didn't take him, I arranged for transportation.  I had to go over to his house daily to change the dressing on the wound on his foot.  Made sure he had food every day.  Got him through foreclosure procedings and now hopefully have a loan modification for his mortgage.  I am the one he calls to vent too.

I am been single (and lonely) all year just about.
Dated a guy last January that ended up being very demeaning to me at the end because he couldn't understand things about me and didn't really seem to want to.
My ex tried to get back with me... just to find out that he was still living with his girlfriend and the whole month of him promising me the world.. was all a lie.
Fell in love with a great guy who knew me better than anyone... just to have him stop talking to me and not explain why.

A few friendships ended.

I've learned that with a lot of people in my life that if I don't make the majority of the effort... they won't either.

I've had issues with my son's school.

I've learned my place with so many "friends" and "family"

I've had more car issues this year than EVER!!!

Just seems like one thing after another after another that I need to struggle with.

I am tired.
I don't have the energy anymore to fight off the negativity. It is consuming me right now.  And I hate it, but I am so tired.

Now don't get me wrong.. great things have happened too.
I have gotten closer with the Lord than I have ever been.
I have seen him work in my life in so many different aspects.. its crazy. Mind blowing.

I am just praying that 2013 is so much better.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

The grinch

That is seriously who I have felt like for the last month.. since about Dec 1st. lol.
I have no Christmas spirit.  I just want this month to be over and done with.
I am ready to be done with Christmas and especially New Years.  UGH.

I hate this.
I hate being in this much of a negative mood.

I have no motivation.
No desire.
I don't want to clean my house.
I don't want to do anything really that I need to do.

I just want to climb in my bed and go to sleep.
GGGRRRRR...

I need to shake this.

and soon.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

blah

Just looked at my stats.. who knew? I have the 2nd highest page views... from Poland! lol. The first of course being USA. :-)  

Its been a crazy few weeks.. and honestly I have absolutely no motivation to write anything. I have no motivation for anything really.  I'm not in the holiday spirit again this year really...  I just kinda am.

I dunno. The last week or so, I have just felt blah.  I don't really know why.

I met someone about a month ago now... we have been on some amazing dates!!  He's awesome and I can't wait to see what the future holds... just taking it all a day at a time. :-)

One of my good friend's brother passed away a week ago, so I think that has me a little stressed out too. I'm worrying for my friend and his family.

Things with my kids are pretty good. Lil man has been doing better with his homework. I think I may have figured out a good reward system for him. :-) So I'm hoping it works.

I have no motivation for anything really. I have no appetite. Food just isn't appealing to me lately.. I eat because of I have to.. I just don't enjoy it like I normally do.

Hope ya'll have a great day/week!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

struggles.

I just read a devotional on proverbs 31 ministries. It was about a woman who prayed for deliverance from the pain she was dealing with, with fibromyalgia... and I sat here and thought.. have I prayed, truly prayed for deliverance from the depression that I feel, the tiredness, the worthlessness that I can feel from time to time.. I have prayed. and for days, weeks, and even months, I will be fine.. but sometimes I will just wake up and boom... its there. So does that mean I am not praying right? That God doesnt love me? That He doesnt care about me??  No. I am a princess in his eyes.. He loves me unconditionally.. I just think the trials I have to go thru today, will make me into the woman God sees me being.

Also as I say here I realized... I have wrote anything really personal on here lately.. in a while actually.  I talk about my feelings.. my faith..my emotional struggles.. but lately I don't think I have been writing about all of the deep struggles that I go thru. Maybe its because the last guy I "dated" thought I was crazy and stupid and didnt understand why I would put my life out there for anyone and everyone to see... and to a point I really didnt know too too well to explain it to him.. but I guess its just a way for me to get my thoughts out there and maybe, hopefully I will be able to show someone that they are not alone in the struggles that they go thru or maybe I am not alone either. 

Lately I have been struggling with Lil Man.  He hasn't been doing very well in school.  Hasn't been turning homework in.. and at times wasn't doing it and lying to me about it.  So for the last month or so, I have been picking him up from school, walking with him back into his classroom and making sure that he has everything that he needs. Double checking his homework  every night and any tests that he gets a low grade on, I make him redo at home. I am planning on getting him tested for add/adhd and also getting him tutoring after school. My ex-husband called and suggested that if he continues to struggle and/or fail that he would like him to come live there with him and go to school there because he will be home with him and would be able to help with homework right after school and it would be better for Lil Man to have a mom and dad both available.  My exhusband is remarried. I am not. I am a single mom working full time to give my kids what they have. I help Lil Man with his homework. My mom or my step dad are with him right afterschool till I get home from work and help him with his homework.  This really upset me. Why am I not good enough??  Why would he do better there just because he has a dad and a stepmom??  This really had me down and made me feel like I wasn't good enough... just because I was a single parent.
So that is what I am struggling with right now.  But I know it will turn out alright and we will get thru all of this!!  I have faith!

TGIF!!
Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
A day late..

Had a great day yesterday.  I was lazy. all. day.
In the evening we went to my moms for dinner... she out did herself as she always does. :-)
It was wonderfully amazing!!!

Today.. I am making dinner for my dad.  And I am a little nervous...I've made dinner before with no problems... but this year... the list of what is wanted has grown and grown and grown...

Theres only a few of us eating too!!! haha


So before I start cooking this massive feast.. I want to take a moment and just praise God for all the blessings in my life.

I have two wonderfully amazing children that I wouldn't be able to live with out

An amazing mom who seriously awes me every single day.
A great step dad who always is there to help me out with my kids.
A dad who even when burley and they "typical grumpy old man" loves us all unconditionally
A brother who is seriously just wonderful.

I have a wonderful home. a great job. good friends.. and most of all... I have a God that loves me, blesses me, and forgives me.. I am truly blessed!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Encourage

It sit here this morning reading my devotional, listening to my music and I realize something about myself. That its easier to live in the pain for me than it is to fight against the pain and keep a positive outlook on life.

Yesterday at church our pastor talked about words... and the impact that what we speak can have on someone.. good and bad.
How easy it is to hear someone say you are ugly, you are doing a horrible job... you are a bad mom, and instantly we believe them. We doubt everything good we have done, all because one person spoke words that were not true or were spoken incorrectly.  (there is a right and a wrong way to tell someone that they are not doing something that you like, or that they are doing it wrong).
My devotional today was about even in the midst of negativity we should count our blessings. Even when we dont want to move because the sadness and the pain is so heavy, we should stop and really think about all the great things we have in our life.

One of my biggest challenges in life right now... is being single.  Day in a day out I struggle to believe that I will one day meet my husband. One the outside, I have a positive attitude. I tell people that I know God has a plan. That he has a husband planned out for me.. the timing just isnt right yet. Even tho i do believe it... in the quiet of my heart, I wonder. Wonder what is wrong with me?? I see so many other people happily married or at least dating.. and I am not.

Instead of looking at all the blessings that I have... I choose to focus on what I dont have... the negativity in life... I have two beautiful children. A amazing family. Great friends.  A good job, a house, a car.. I can pay my bills every month.  I am blessed a lot more than a lot of people out there.

I am pretty. I have a good personality. I am responsible. I take care a lot more than most girls my age. I am a good catch.  And a man would be lucky to have me.
I need to tell myself this every day. EVERYDAY. I need to choose the positive words that I say to myself.  I need to encourage myself every day.  I can wait to hear it from someone else.  I need to do that for me.

Lord, help me to focus on the good.. Help me to praise you even in the valleys of life... Help me to encourage myself as well as encourage others around me.  Still my heart from the unnecessary feelings of negativity and sadness.  Let me life up your name ALWAYS!!!  
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama