Sunday

Today I woke up feeling empty. Alone. 
I want to stay in bed. 
I want to sleep the day away.
but I get up and get moving anyway. 
Get the kids some pancakes, remind them that we have church in a hour and half. 
Then I sit down for some "God Time"... and I realize this is something I normally don't do on Sunday's. I go to church on Sunday's. That's my God time.  
Apparently God has another idea on that! lol. So here I am on my computer... listening to beautiful worship music... reading devotionals.. and now blogging.  again not really with anything in particular that I want to say.

I had a jewelry party last night. I also has one of my close friends bring purses that she sells so that I could help her out with that.. and also maybe get me a free purse.  The party was good.. tho I was hoping for it to go better. But I can't complain over all.. tho I am stuck on the negative part of it... I didn't do as good as I had at other parties. :-(  But it is what it is. 

That issues that I had this past week.. that is weighing heavy on heart is still there.  I am still paranoid about it... waiting for the next big huge thing to happen.  Every knock on the door... every car that drives past... I sit expecting something.  I still don't want to go into details. But I hate not knowing what to expect. I know God is with me thru all of this. I know he's right here holding my hand and I hate that I still worry... How do I not worry?? How do I completely just let it all go??  I have moments where I do.. moments where I feel that burden lifted off my shoulders.. but then other times.. I feel so heavy with it,  just want to sleep.  

Wednesday as I was leaving my single parents workshop at church I felt so alone.  I just wanted someone to hold me. Just be there waiting for me when I got home. I prayed all the way to the car... prayed when I got in the car.. turned the worship music on and I started to feel better... I didnt feel so alone... I felt God right there with me. Telling me he loves me. He is here. He also spoke to my heart about a few other things which I have since done.  It was amazing feeling him there... Hearing him speak to me.  

Even with this being a horrible stressful week... I have felt God right here. Felt his love and his grace right here in my life... things I read- books, facebook, blogs... because of the week I had, it hits home for me.. I have broken down and cried more this week over something I read or something I watched, than I had in a long time. God is amazing. 

He whispered this passage to me this morning as I was looking up something else: 
Colossians 2:4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by find sounding arguments. 

He is with me. He is guiding me. He loves me


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

asking too much

My friend and I were having a conversation today about dating, and it made me start to think about things... 
Like when my mom and dad started dating. She was 15 he was 19. They lived an hour apart from each other.  Back then there was no cell phones, no texting, no facebook, email, etc. The only way to communicate was via the telephone or snail mail or actually see each other in person.  But they found a way... and made it work and eventually got married. 

That makes me wonder about today. 
She asked me if I thought we were asking too much from a guy.   Wanting him to text good morning, good night, through out the day to say they are thinking of us etc.  

I told her no.  I don't think that is asking too much.  We have the technology now adays to do that!!!   Why can't we expect a man that we like to show us that he likes us?   Especially if this man did it early on in the relationship.  
Now, I am not saying that the guy always has to text first, or always has to say good morning or good night... but when it happens repeatedly that he "forgets" or is "busy" that makes me wonder if I am really on his mind as much as he says I am.  

I told my friends this: 
That I am not lowering my standards. 
I am tired of making excuses for guys and why they do what they do. 
Tired of finding reasons for them. 
That if a guy isn't who I need him to be... then we obviously are not meant to be. 

and honestly I would hope the same in return. If I don't fulfill his needs and desires than he shouldn't be with me either.  Period. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Friday at Friday's

I am not even sure what to write about.. but just had the urge to write.  

The sad thing is... a lot of the things I would love to write about... would love to get out of my brain and into actual viewable words so I can read and re-read and realize how crazy I can be with a lot of my thinking... but I feel I can't because I dont want the persons that I am having theses thoughts about to read it and take it all the wrong way.  Friends, Family, anyone. 


So a lot of things I will keep to myself... and its not that I have horrible things to say... just venting.. but I guess thats what my BFF's are for! lol. 

Last night I met up with a few girls that I was friends with from highschool... first time we have all been together since we have graduated... 12yrs ago!!!  

Getting together with them was amazing... but listening to their stories together made me realize how much I had missed out from highschool. I had dated my son's father since my freshman year in high school and honestly I was stuck on him... I don't make friends very easily and it was even harder for me back in high school when I was lacking self confidence to an even bigger degree than I am today.  So having my BF their just made it easy to always have someone to talk to... so I became friends with his friends... only chatting with my friends here and there in classes.. never hanging out with them outside of school... honestly till my senior year... mainly because I didnt have him there... so I had no choice.  (just a little inside note- i went to a different school disctrict for high school than all of my friends from elementary and junior high.. so I went in knowing almost nobody!)  
I am wondering if I had the choice would I go back and not clung to the boyfriend as much and made some special relationships with these girls... but then also.. listening to these stories.. even tho they were so much fun at the time... I wonder, if I were a part of them... where would my life be now?!  Their tales of drinking and smoking... things I didnt do till my senior year.  Would I be at this place in life... or would my life had gone down a different darker path if those "good" times were weaved in to my life?  

I guess the Lord knew what he was doing.   

And even tho I wasn't a part of all of those stories... I was still apart of a few... and did make some friends along the way... friends who I may not speak to daily or even monthly... friends that have gone down different paths... have different ideas... and ended up at different places in this life... I know we can come together for a night and be transferred back to the happy, giggly, free spirited girls we were back in high school... where at the time the biggest worries we had were the math test on monday... if the hot waiter liked us... who had the better glitter make up... things that we look back on now and think wow-I wish those were the only things I needed to worry...  transferred back to laughing like crazy till our cheeks hurt... back to where we could be goofy with out embarrassing our kids... transferred back to "the good time" .  The memories that I have I will always cherish as I will all of these girls!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

whispers

I had a date Saturday. It was amazing. We met halfway between us at Columbus zoo.  Had a great time. It was very comfortable. Like we had known each other forever even tho this was our first date.
But then... after it was over and on my way home.. and Sunday... I just kept thinking of anything negative What if he really doesn't like me?  What if it was all just a show? Why am I not good enough? Whats wrong with me? No decent guy would want me with all my issues so he will end up ending anything soon enough.   He didnt absolutely nothing the entire time we were together or even afterwards to make me think like this... but the devil was persistant. Kept whispering in my ear and making my heart heavy.  Till Sunday, I was just sitting here crying.  The other issues happened with family and a friend... and it just made my heart that much more heavy.  I couldn't shake it. Again I kept thinking what is wrong with me??  I am worthless. That kept repeating in my ears. I am worthless. I am worthless. I am worthless.  Deep down I know I AM NOT WORTHLESS!!! I am a Child of God!!!!  To HIM the one and only one that matters... I am worth everything. I am worth Jesus dying on the cross for MY sins!!!!  I am worthy!!! I am worthy!!!

I want to say that I feel all better and am not having any negative thoughts... but sadly I am still feeling a little heavy hearted.  but I am determined to NOT let the devil have the upper hand.  I trust in my Lord. I know he will carry me thru these feelings because He loves me. He knows I am worthy!!!


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

a long time ago

I woke up this morning thinking...about abortion. Not that I am having one or even considering one or anything like that.. but just thinking about all those poor innocent babies. And How sad it is in this day in age that most people dont really give it a second thought.. its just another solution to a problem.

Then I started wondering how many people do I know that have had an abortion that I don't even know??  I only know of one person. wait. thats wrong. I forgot, I know of a few.  But one person stands out. We were in highschool and she was one of my closest friends. I was in my senior year and she was a few years younger.  She got pregnant... and wasn't ready.  The boys parents had money so they paid for the solution to that problem.  I still remember that like it was yesterday and I wasn't even with her.  
When I woke up on the morning that she was going I felt sick. Just knowing that she was doing this.. I felt sick. I couldn't go to school. There was no way.  I was shaking. I wanted to cry. I can only imagine what she felt like.  I laid in bed for a while listening to the radio and a commercial came on.. about abortion support... a counseling service that would help you find another solution to the "problem" than murder.  I got up and ran to the phone. I called them and told them my friends story. I even gave them her number to call to see if they could talk to her.  It was too late tho.
I was so down and depressed that day.

The crazy thing... NO ONE has ever known about that till now. No one knew how I felt just being her friend and knowing.  I never told her. I didnt want to lose her as a friend.  I never judged her. I never told her she was wrong. I did ask if this is really what she wanted. She said she really didnt have a choice.   I was still there for her.

I have no idea what brought that in to my mind this morning.  Why i felt the need to blog about it...

More and more every day I am realizing, I want a big family.  I want to share God's love with as many people I can.  I know I am not the best mom but I want more kids... whether they are mine by birth or not.   I want to be there for a child that may not normally have some one there for him or her.

anyway.. its time for me to get my kiddos up and ready for school. :-)


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

I know that this post didnt really have a point or anything.. it was more of just a venting... but if you are struggling with something.. abortion, cheating, death, pregnancy, being along, anything.. and you need something to talk to.. PLEASE email me.  Overthinkingmama@gmail.com. I will listen. I will try and help in any way that I can. Please dont ever think you are alone!!!  God loves you.

Bedtime routines

I couldnt even focus on God time today because I actually had the motivation to blog this morning!!! This hasn't happened in forever.  So I am listening to some great worship music and I am pouring out my thoughts ... well some of them..  on here. :-)

Last night wasn't a great bedtime night. The kids are having a rough time getting into the routine of things.  Lil Man doesnt believe he should have a bed time. "He's not a baby anymore" He doesn't need a bed time. He can get up when he's supposed to.   yea... he's 10. He's getting a bedtime. 

Our bedtime routine for school was this: 
830- get snacks, drinks etc.
845-quiet time 
900 bed time

Yea... our routine is more like... 830 i start telling them if they want a snack. go get it.  845 still telling them. 900 threatening them with something to get their snacks. 915 finally getting into bed. 930 getting out of bed cuz they forgot something. 
Its very stressful!! 

Last night baby girl didnt go be sleep till after 1045. She just sat in her room and cryed for most of that time.saying she wanted something to drink.. she wanted a snack.. when she had already had both... then came them im starving mom. im thirsty mom... ugh.  

So starting tonight.  Games are getting shut off at 830. period.  I don't care if we don't get home till 815. Games off at 830.  Then is snack time and we will have some quiet time together, reading the bible or just talking or watching a quick show on tv or what not. 845/900 we will start heading to bed for tuck in and prayers.  Lil man is already throwing a fit saying he doesnt want to have quiet time with us. UGH. 

I just keep praying for my babies.  We have had our fair share of struggles in the past 5 years with bedtimes, school, behavior, hissy fits, etc....  We have finally made progress.. I refuse to go back.  I am not sure I can handle going back. lol.  

anywho... its time to get the munchkins up!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

first day of school!!!!

Today was the first day of school for my babies!!! 

They both seriously did amazing!!  I can't wait to see how their days went! 

She did not want to be bothered while playing. She would not look up at me for nothing for a pic!!!  gggrrrr. lol.  

I even found lil man's first day of kindergarten pic!!! aaawwww!!!! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama