Interviews and openness

I had so many different things that I wanted to write about. Of course tho, as soon as I sit down and start typing, my mind goes blank. 

I have been fighting a cold this week. With the temperatures going from 70 to 92 to 65... my body isn't handling it very well.  I felt better yesterday but today when I woke my nose is running like crazy again. Ugh. 

I had an interview yesterday. I think it went pretty good. I was told that the manager would be calling me in for an interview. I think the guy that interviewed me yesterday was impressed with me. :-)  The one thing he was unsure about was my piercings and tattoos. :-( I may have to take some out and cover others up. UGH!!  I wish people looked at your qualification more than what you look like. Its not like I am crazy looking. My piercings are small and concervative. I don't have rings and rings and rings everywhere. I am not covered in tattoos. And the ones I do have are nice, not satanic, not dark and depressing, not negative or provocative looking. They are flowers that I get so many compliments on from senior citizens to young people.  And I don't know, I might even bring more business because the people that have piercings and tattoos would not feel so judged by someone that doesn't have them!  
I was told a quote by someone the other day that said: The difference between people with tattoos and people without is that the people without tattoos don't care if you don't have tattoos.  And it is so true.  I have yet to meet someone that has a tattoo that judges someone because they are not tattooed.  So I guess we shall see how it all goes. Its in God's hands.

I have another interview today at a Nursing home for accounting. So we shall see how that goes!  again... it's in God's hands. 

These past few months off had made me really realize that I would love to be a stay at home or just work part time if i could. I love being able to get the kids to and from school. Helping with homework everyday. If they are sick, being able to stay home with them and not have to worry about pay or not have to worry about getting fired.  I love being able to make their beds after they are gone to school and get the house cleaned up. Love being able to have time to myself. Love being able to go grocery shopping and not worry about them acting crazy in the store or being at home with a sitter and I have to rush.  I want to be here for them. I have felt so out of their life for the past 11 years. I have always worked. This is the first time (other than maternity leave) that I have been able to be there for them. Been able to spend all summer with them. Been able to help them every day with homework. This is the first time in I don't know how long that I haven't felt like a failure as a mom.  I doubt I will ever be able to be a stay at home mom. I know whatever God's plan for me is good. It will work out. I am just hoping that some how being home with the kids more is a big part of the plan and not me always rushing and struggling.  I know God has a plan. 

This past week or two I have realized a precious gift that God has given me...  The gift of a gentle heart and an open mind.  The past couple weeks I have had more people come to me with their issues, problems or whatnot. People I never would have ever expected to come to me for anything like this. Never thought I would be the person that they would come to for advice or anything... from my best friend, to a stranger, to my daughters father to other ex boyfriends, male friends, friends of friends.  They all haven't been in the last week but over the past years.  But this past week with some people coming to me... its made me realize everyone in my life that has.  I am so thankful that I am able to be there for them in anyway that I can. I am happy that they trust me enough to confide in me with their issues.  A lot of people think I am crazy for it. But its who I am.  I want to help anyone. Even if you have hurt me, screwed me over, it is what it is. There was a reason at the time, and the past is the past. No point in dwelling.  
Alright now I feel like I am rambling on.   Time to get up and shower and get ready for the interview. Wish me luck! 


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Fair and First day of school!

Kids riding the spinny bear ride

The goat really liked Lil man! 

maybe a little too much. haha

They look so thrilled... but they loved this ride! 

and this is what I got to wake up to... oye!!! 

We got to feed the white tiger! 

riding the pony! 

and she almost fell off her pony! 

First day of 6th grade

First day of first day! 

and yea... some how I got talked into getting a bunny at the fair. 

well the dogs seem to like the bunny at least! 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

almost school time.

This is what I woke up to the other morning. UGH!! 

Thankfully- the kids cleaned it all up. lol. 

This is the last week before school starts. So we have been trying to actually have a bed time and sticking to it. Its been tough. I am not looking to that part of next week.  Both kids are starting a new school on monday. And the new school will be starting earlier. 740am... and Lil man has to be on his bus by 650!!! OYE!!! to be early mornings from now on!!  That means earlier bed times.  We can do it tho!! I am anxious, excited, nervous and idk... just feeling crazy about the new school for both of them!  I am hoping and praying that I made the right choice in sending them to this school system and that they both will prosper there. I have put it all in God's hands.  Baby girl is super excited to be going to school. That is all she has talked about for the last 2 days!!!  Also the fact that she will have a locker this year too.... so now she wants to go and get stuff to decorate her locker with! lol That was the first thing she said to me this morning, "mommy, are we going to get the stuff formy locker today??? Why can't we go to the school today so I can decorate it??" LOL.  I hope that entusiasim lasts!!!  

Alright.. i have a long list of things that I need to get done. 

Have a great weekend!!! 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

Saturday laziness

I really need to get up and get the house cleaned up, shower, get to the store and get set up for the "back to school" purse, jewelry and scentsy party I am having today... but instead I am sitting here typing this out. I just have the urge to type... Have you ever had that urge?? Just to hear the keys click rapidly as you type something...anything out? I don't know why but it makes me feel better... makes me rejuvinated just a little bit. Maybe because when I was younger I would watch my mom type something out and I would watch in awe at how fast she could type. All I could do was peck really quick. lol. In high school I had the opportunity to take a typing class.. and I loved it. And now, I can type. And I love typing! I love hearing that sound, feeling the keys under my fingers, thinking a work and not putting any effort into it and boom- there is the word on the screen. Its like my fingers are my mouth and instead of speaking- my voice is readable not audible.  

Yea... I am having odd thoughts today. lol. 

I am actually feeling a bit down today. I don't really know why. I just am. :-( I have been feeling blah for the past week or so... I know eventually the feeling will pass.. but for now.... this sucks. lol.  I have faith tho. 

1 more week then the kids go back to school. I am a little worried for them. They will be going to a whole new school. All new friends. And they will be riding the bus. I am really worried for my daughter... she's never rode the bus before. I worry that she won't know her stop after school, that she won't be able to find her class room and get lost. I will be a nervous wreck those first few days that they will be learning it all for the first times. But I know that it will be a good experience for both of them... it will help them be more independent and more self assured in the long run. And I have faith in the Lord that he will be there protecting them and guiding them. 

Alright... I need to get up and get moving... tho its easier said than done... these two make it hard to move.. lol. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

My prayer for today

Oh my Lord Father,
I feel so distant from you lately. I don't know what to do to get back close to you. I worship, I pray, I read the bible, I write in my journal, I do everything I always have done... yet I don't feel that closeness that I love.  I want to feel your love washing down over me through out my day.  Instead I feel easily distracted, easily frustrated and little patience with my kids, with friends, with family, with life.
I need you. I know you are still here. I know you still love me the same.  I know that this is just part of any relationship. There are times you feel super close and times you don't.  I still am here. I am still in love with you. That will never change.  You are the reason I am here. You are the reason why I have been able to get through life.
I love you Lord.


Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Before you judge

I am on a roll here!!! Two posts in one week!!!  Craziness!!!

Something that has been on my mind lately is relationships and how easily we judge someone else's choices and decisions based on what we think we would do if we were in their shoes.

A friend of mine just found out that his girlfriend cheated on him. He was hurt. He was broken. He didn't understand why. Yet, in the back of his mind, he hoped that maybe once his girlfriend got some counseling and bettered herself that maybe they could be together again and have the life that they both had always talked about. The people in my friends life though judged this thought process. Judged how he could even think about wanting to be with someone that betrayed that trust so much.
Unless you are in the person's shoes... feel the things that they feel... How can you say that they are wrong for their choice??
I agree that giving someone a chance or even wanting to immediately after something has happened is a bit crazy and may not end up the way the person is hoping and they may end up back in the same exact place that they were beforehand.  But being on the outside looking in on someone else's life and decision with out having that emotional connection, makes it hard for us to understand that thought process.
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Years ago, I had a man come into my life that from day one, everyone said was wrong for me.  The more I got to know this man, the more I fell in love with him. We started dating and eventually moved in together.  Our relationship was a roller coaster at best. I cried daily because of the fights, because of the harsh words, because of the emotional pain that this man put me thru. He wasn't able to love and especially wasn't able to love me continually the way that I needed or desired.  One minute he acted like that man that I was so in love with and the next he would push me away when I would try and love him because he didn't know how to fully love another person back. Our relationship lasted a year and a half and he immediately moved out and in with his ex wife- who he left for me.  A few months later he came back and wanted another chance. He loved me. He messed up. He needed me. He said everything I needed to hear and I accepted him back much to the disapproval of my friends and family, but I didn't care, I was in love.  This time we only lasted a few months and ended horribly. He just stopped talking to me. Would tell me he was done, wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't respond to my text. Just ignored me. I felt like nothing at this point in my life. I struggled every day to survive. I had to make myself go to work. I had to make myself take care of my two wonderful small children... but I had no appetite... I went from 125 down to 110 in two weeks time. I barely slept. I was alive and functioning... but I wasn't really there.  Finally I made a choice after two weeks- I gave him a choice to either figure out what he wanted right then and there or we were done.   We were done.
A year later we tried again.... again to the disapproval to everyone in my life. This lasted a couple months. We never actually were "together". One minute he said he wanted me. He loved me. And the next he was scared.
A year after that we tried again. (starting to sound crazy now huh??) And the same thing happened all over again.  This time I gave him till midnight on New Years eve to make a choice. He couldn't. So I told him I was done. I was moving on.  And I did... for 2 years... and then I was so low, so depressed, so lonely that I wanted someone so bad and he said just what I wanted to hear. And I gave him another chance.... only to find out that the entire time, he had a girlfriend and was still living with her and would be for a few more months because he was "too nice"  to just kick her out.

Everyone in my life thought I was crazy. They judged me negatively for the choices I made to keep giving him chance after chance... and in the end they were right. I shouldn't have. I would have avoided a ton of heartache, but I would have also always lived with that thought of "what if". What if he really had changed?? What if he was the man that he said he was and the mad that I needed.  I still loved him.  And honestly I still do love him.  I know now that I can never go back to that. It took me 5 years of being heartbroken over and over by this man to make me realize that he is who he is. I can't change him and he will only change if he truly deeply wants it... and is ready.  That point hasn't come yet. I have put up such a big wall around my heart that I can't let him in like I had.... the sad thing is, it always keeps out other men too that could be good for me.

No one understands why I gave this man chance after chance... and really I can't explain it either.  My heart was still connected with him to some degree.

We have all made choices that weren't right. We have all made mistakes that someone else told us were wrong and judged us based on them.  We have all been an idiot at some point in our life.  So maybe the next time you see someone doing something that you say you would never do... think about what maybe they are going thru. They are not any weaker or any more stupid that you were at one point or another in your life.  We are all at different stages in our life. We all move forward and move backwards at different points in our life and make decisions that build us up or bring us down. That is all part of life.  Just try to understand how someone else may be feeling before you make a decision on who they are or why they might do something.

Blessings and Love
Overthinking Mama

Balancing

I have been thinking a lot the last few days... well really for awhile now, off and on, about this.  How do you be a true Christian and a sinning human at the same time?

I always feel like I always fall short of being the Christian I should be. 
Whether its sex before marriage or having a few drinks with some friends.
Dancing provocatively on the dance floor of a small town bar.
Judging someone before I even really know them.
Accepting someone who is gay and befriending them.
Being friends with someone who has had an abortion.
Not constantly trying to show someone how much God loves them.
Not constantly trying to get my kids to read the bible or put them to bed with out their nightly prayers and just hoping that they do it alone. 
Even just as simple as saying a bad word here or there or listening to secular (non christian) music. 

I feel like if a "true Christian" took a look at my life- they would judge. They would look at me and laugh and tell me I am a hypocrite. I can't live life both ways. 

I am a Christian. I pray and have full conversation with the Lord. I fully trust in Him. I read my bible. I post on instagram bible verses almost daily. I go to church.  But I also sin. I knowingly sin.  So how is there a balance?? A happy middle?? 

I guess I am still trying to figure all of that out and hopefully one day I will. 
But through it all- I know one thing... My Father Lord God loves ME!!!  Even when if feels like no one else does... He loves me. 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama