Randomness of July

Its been awhile since I have posted. Its starting to be just a once a month thing and I really hate that.  I was hoping that since I was off work that I would have more time now to be on here putting all of my ups and downs on here.. but I swear its like I am more busy now that I am not working.. or maybe its just that I don't have as much motivation? I don't know.
That saying that a body in motion stays in motion is so true. I swear that if I am not constantly on the go... I will sit here and just veg and be lazy.  Anyone who know's me knows that is not me at all. I am always busy doing something.  I do think about getting on here at least once a day and sometimes more... I just don't have the energy or motivation to get up and go across the room to get the laptop, turn it on, get to blogger, and type. Crazy!!!!  Ugh. I will try and be better with this, but no promises.
This past month has been good. We went down to Disney with my parents. I got to spend some time with my step brother and his wife. We celebrated my brother's birthday at the zoo, which was a lot of fun. I got to spend a lot of time with friends and my family. I am really enjoying not working right now. It is really nice to be able to spend time with others, and not be rushed or worry about taking a day off of work.
I will post soon about our trip. Got a ton of pics! :-)
The kids will be going back to school at the end of the month. I am looking forward to that... but also worrying about it.  They are going to a new school.  Neither of them will know anyone.  I am going to have them ride the bus and the sad thing is they won't be able to ride together because they will be going to two different buildings and at two different times. :-(  I am really hoping that I made the right choice with switching their schools.  
I am also worrying about when I start back working... how are they going to be able to get to the bus stop? Who is going to pick them up from the bus stop?? How am I going to handle all of that.  I just have to put all of that into God's hands and let him show me to how to take care of it all.
The past couple weeks I haven't felt as close to God as I had in the last month or so. I have been slacking on going to church, reading the word, worshiping... I need to get back on that.  :-(

Alright. I need to get dressed and house cleaned up and all that before I head to the docs.  Sorry it isn't the greatest post.. and just it s mush of different random things in my head at the moment... but hey- at least its something!! lol.


Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

Complete Fath

Matthew 6:25-27
" That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for you heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"


At church Sunday we were given a great message, though I really can't remember what it was all about... after something our Pastor said, my mind started wondering.  I started thinking about how this is the first time in my life that I have put my full faith in God.  100% faith in Him.  I hate to admit it... but I may always have faith... there is always a small amount of doubt that I have in the back of my head. :-( But right now... I have full faith in Him.  

For the first time in my life, I am jobless.  I am jobless and I have no job prospects.  Also, for the first time in my life, I can say I am truly happy.  Crazy right?!  I have no security right now and yet I am happier now than I was when I was working.  

I have complete faith in the Lord that everything will be ok.  Honestly tho, this is something I never really was that worried about. Not that I wouldn't ever lose my job, because I have been thinking about the fact that it would happen for at least the last 3 years. We were already downsizing and my department was doing the worst out of all of them, I had the least amount of seniority and I was the youngest person there, so it would be easier for me to move on and find something new than it would be for some of the others...so always in the back of my mind, I knew eventually it would happen. 

My one friend would always ask me what I would do, if I got let go...  I always told him, I don't know... but it will be ok.  I always knew it would be ok. 

I am getting unemployment but it doesn't pay all the bills... but I'll figure it all out.  I don't get medical but the kids do. I don't hardly get any food assistance, but it will all work out.  God is good. I know he is using this time for something good. He is using this time to help me grow... to help make me more into the woman He wants me to be.  In the past month I can say that I have grown closer to Him than I ever have before in my life.  I am happier than I have ever been in my life also. 

I am now single and jobless... two biggest securities in my mind... and I have neither. I have nothing but God for my security and that is exactly how He wants it to be. He wants me to trust in Him. Not partly trust with a back up plan in mind, but whole, fully, and completely trust in Him to bring me thru everything. 

I know He will too. I know 100% I will get thru everything. It may not end up the way I want or think it should, but it will be ok. I will be a better person because of it. I will grown because of the path I am on. I will be closer to being the woman God wants me to be.  I am closer now than ever to knowing what and where God wants me to be.  I have full faith in Him!!! 

When my mind stopped wandering for a moment in church I heard my pastor mention Matthew 6:25-27 (read above)... I opened my bible and read its and it took my breath away. It hit home. It was perfect for me.  Amazing how God works, aint it?? 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

the making of a movie

Well this past month is what they make movies out of.

I lost my job. And my boyfriend ended our relationship. Lol.

But in reality, its all good. Most days I am positive and happy.  I do have my days where I seem to focus on the negative a bit more than normal, but most days, I realize how lucky I am.
I have two wonderful kids. I have a roof over my head. I have great family that is always there for me. I have wonderful friends who always help lift me up when I feel down.

God really has been good to me even in the darkest times. I don't know where I would be with out Him in my life.

I just signed up for an online accounting class. Very excited for that.
I am going to be starting a new bible study.
I am going to go up to the college in a few weeks and start signing up for some classes.



And even tho I would really love to be able to stay home with my babies forever... financially I know that isn't a reality for us. So I have been applying for a few jobs here and there. I still don't have much motivation to do all that... but its has to be done.


We have added a new furry addition to our family- a little kitty named April.

And as soon as the munchkins get changed, we are off to the pool for some relaxation and fun!!! 

Have a great day ya'll!!!

Blessings N Love 

Overthinking Mama 

My brother

I am going to do something a little different on the blog this week. I thought bout this at 4am this morning when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I am going to dedicate this week to family. I am going to post different family members of mine and write something special about them. :-) Ending on Father's day.  If you have a family member you would like to honor, send me a pic and a note about them and why you are honoring them and I will post on my blog. :-)  Overthinkingmama@gmail.com 

My brother

My brother is one of the most sweetest men that I know. God truly blessed our family with him. He is 17 years older than I am and is mentally handicapped... as my mom learns more and more about autism, she is believing that he is more autistic than anything but back  45+ years ago, they didn't have  very much info on autism, so he was just said to be "mentally handicapped".

My brother has suffered more in his almost 48 years of life that any of us could imagine. And yet, he shows no signs of hatred. No signs of anger. Just love.  We could all learn so much from him. No matter what has happened to him he's never once acted out in anger or malice.  He loves with his whole heart.

He is an inspiration to me. To be a better person. To be a better Christian. To love unconditionally.

Thank you Lord from placing me in this family and especially for giving me this wonderful man to have as a brother!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Rejoicing

The last few days have been rough for me.. well really this whole week has been. I have been struggling with insecurity in my life...

I have been worrying about my lack of a job... lack of incoming funds... and with the possibility of not getting the assistance that I thought I may be able to get.

I am learning one thing about myself though... I need to keep busy. I need to always be doing something. I can't just sit around and do nothing. lol. Yesterday as I was cleaning the house, I started to feel better about my life and my situation.

Last night my handsome boyfriend took me out to dinner. My mom wonderfully watched my baby girl so we could have some time with just us.  We held hands, we laughed, we joked. It was wonderful and was just what I needed after these past 3 weeks of nonstop running around and this past week of non stop worrying.

This morning I had a great quiet time with God and he opened my mind and my heart to my faith. I know he has a plan for me. Its a magnificent plan. It may not be exactly what I think the plan should be, but His plan is even more wonderful than anything I could ever even imagine!!!

And in the midst of my struggles... God hears my prayers and has blessed me. I always sorta doubted when someone would say: "I prayed for XXX and I opened my mail box and boom, there it was" I have now seen first hand how the Lord works!!! I will not ever doubt again!!!

My heart is rejoicing!!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

struggling this week

I am going to try and post every day or every other day on here from now on... I want to share the ups and downs of being unemployed and now a stay at home mom until I find another job.

This week has been a struggle for me.
I feel like I have been running around crazy for the last 3 days... it seems like there is always something  that needs to be done.. All last week, I worked on cleaning the house and doing laundry. The week before I was cleaning up the outside and getting ready for the cook out that we had. This week, its been one appointment after another after another.  Yesterday I went in to file for food and medical assistance, I had to go with my mom for something for her, lil man had a orthodontist appointment and then baseball at 530 till after 9pm.  I was gone almost all day. Plus I had to find time to get the stuff together to go back to the human services office for the food and medical assistance today, get the kids teachers gifts together since today is there last day of school.  Non. Stop.

Today, I went back up to human services with everything I thought I needed, but of course I was missing a couple things. So now I have to get all that together and get it back to them.  After that I ran to baby girls end of the year party and watched the kindergarten graduation, then headed to little man's school for their end of the year party. I have about a 45 minute break right now before I have to leave to go to my depression doc appt.  Non- Stop.

Last night it all kinda caught up with me. I had a headache, wasn't feeling the greatest and was in a horrible mood. I got into it with my boyfriends thinking he was having an attitude with me... but really he wasn't. We did talk it out and things seemed to be resolved.  But this morning I asked if he was coming over tonight and he said "idk".  I went from fine to no in 0.3 seconds. That is not like me at all.
I don't know. Maybe I am just over thinking things (shocker right?). Just seems like since I have been unempoloyed things have changed. Maybe its just be because I am insecure and uncertain of whats going to happen now that I am not working. The lady today told me that I may not qualify for medical assistance because with unemployment and child support, I may make too much.. How messed up is that???!!! lol.

Tomorrow will be the first day of summer vacation for the kids.. so hopefully I will be able to get us on some kind of routine and hopefully I won't feel like I am losing my mind about everything.

I know God has a plan for me... and I really need to get back into my special quiet time with Him again.. I have slacked on that, the past few weeks with not working, and honestly even before that I was starting to slack. I need to get back to Him being my main focus again.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

two weeks

Well it has been two weeks now that I have been unemployed... and I swear I have been more busy in the past two weeks with thing around my house than I have been in the past month!!
It seems like there is always something that needs to be cleaned... something that needs done... something that needs picked up. Always something.

We had a cook out on the 26th for Memorial Day. My boyfriend and I invited our friends and family and had a big ole cook out, a fire and some corn hole playing. It was real, y nice and a lot of fun.

So all the week before the cook out I was cleaning house.. mowing... putting down mulch.. trying to just get everything looking good for every thing... This past week, my dad had eye surgery so I had to take him for that and then also the follow up appt.

Next week, I have a doc appt, and appt with my mom, orthodontist appt for lil man, the last day of school for the kids, a end of the year party/cook out for both kids at different schools on the same day.
Another busy week... let alone, baseball and soccer in the evenings!!

More and more I realize how much I have enjoyed being able to be home and take care of things and always feeling like I am missing out on something with the kids.

It has been on my heart heavy the last couple weeks and even really before that, that I would love to be able to be a stay at home mom... financially I don't know if or how it would be possible. But I am going to pray on it and listen to the Lord speak to me on it.  Even if I could only work part time or something I would be happy with that...I just hate always feeling like I am missing out of so much of my kids lives... always feeling like someone else is raising my kids. I want to have a closer relationship with both of my kids. I want them to always feel like they can come to me with anything and that I am always there for them... not that I am too busy or too tired because of work and everything else. I want to be able to be there when they get home from school and be able to help them with their homework, or personal problems that they may be having.  I just want to be able to be there more for them.

I really need to figure things out... financially... emotionally... and spiritually. I need to meditate on it and put it all in God's hands and see what he has planned for me.

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama