My Mama Style

My- MAMA Style

Top- Target- $8.99

Jeans- Charlotte Russe- Refuge $34.99

Undertank- ???- $5.99

Shoes- Burlington Coat Factory- $9.99

Scarf- ??? - 7.99

(sorry not the greatest pics :-( ) 

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

Realization Friday

o.m.g. (oh. My. Gosh.)  I am so happy its Friday. This week has flown by tho.  So I am thankful for that… and so thankful for my Lord for getting me out of the funk I was in last week…  sometimes you need the tear to cleanse your eyes so you can truly see again!!

This week I have come to realize:

~ that in order to truly be happy- my focus needs to be on the Lord and not so much on life.

~ that things never turn out the way you want them to.

~ that life is a roller coaster at times.

~ communication is key to everything… with out it you are just stuck on stupid.

~ lists are very important!!

~ I need to get a good bible study guide and a new devotional. (any suggestions??)

~ that I seriously dislike having to call people.

~ I need to get into YOGA. I want to be able to obtain my dream to be a Christian Yoga Instructor.

~ sometimes I feel people look down on me…  Im 30 with an almost 10 year old,  not married. 2 kids.  But ya know what??!!!  Im a kick ass woman!! Period.  The Lord has made me who I am, brought me to where I am.  Im supporting my family. I own my own home.  Been at the same job for 8 yrs now.  I may not be the ideal woman… nor I may not be where I wanted to be by this point in my life.  But I am here. I did it with out a man’s help or my parents help (financially).  I am strong. I am beautiful.  I am the woman God created, every single day I am becoming the woman he wants me to be.

Have a great weekend ya’ll!!!

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

My- Mama Style

My- MAMA Style

Shirt- Thrifted- 3.99

Undertank- ??-$5.99

Jeans- Refuge-Charlotte Russe $35.00

Shoes- Christmas Gift

Socks- (knee high) Christmas gift (years ago)

Scarf- Target- 7.99

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

a night of little sleep...

Last night was a rough night. L This past week has been a really rough one… I sit here and wonder if it will ever get easier… when will the constant battles end… and in reality they wont. They will always be present in my life. That is the devil working with me… pulling me away from the Lord.  The thing that will change in my life… is how I react to the battles. I need to quit trying to do it all alone.  And even tho I constantly pray and say that I am putting it in God’s hands… I reality, I am not… I am holding all of that in… inside of me and letting it bring me down… let it tire me out… let it turn me into a person that I don’t like.  

Starting today… I am going to change that. Now I know that I won’t be perfect after this… I know I will still get down and have bad days….but I will not let the devil win.

Last night I literally cried myself to sleep .  I don’t think I finally feel asleep till after 3… this morning I didn’t want to get up… I just wanted to stay in bed… and ignore life.  But as a mother of two wonderful kids… and having my son’s bff over… I had to get up. So I did. I made some coffee and then sat down… asked the kids for a few moments of uninterrupted time so I could regroup and spend some time with God… something that I really haven’t done in a while.  And I needed it!  The Lord is so good!!!!  As always, he spoke to me… and I was down so far that I was able to hear and be open.  He showed me

Hebrews 13:5 Keep you lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.

The prayer in the devotional that I found that passage in:

 Dear Lord, I want contentment in the depth of my soul, but I fall into the trtap of believeing things will make me happy. Then I feel frustrated and confused. Show me the areas of my life I am trying to fill with something for someone other than YOU. I want lasting contentment that comes from knowing and beling loved by you. Help me recognize and want all I have in Christ. In Jesus’ name Amen.

(from the P31 Women’s devotions Gods Purpose for every woman)

That hit the nail on the head. Perfectly.

I have been focusing on things in my life that I want better…   a bigger house… more time in the day…  a husband at home to help with life…  because I felt with these things, the overwhelming feelings I had with everything else in my life… would go away.  And maybe to a point it would make life easier.  But in reality… that’s not this moment.  No point in sitting here focusing on what I don’t have… what I can’t do… I need to focus on what I can do… with the Lord! 

Life is hard right now… I have the weight of my own home/family on my shoulders and the responsibility of my father too…  There are so many days that I just want to scream… And there are days that I actually do scream!! Lol.   But after I scream, instead of remaining focused on the negative… I need to start praying. Stopping what I am doing and regroup. Pray. And focus on what I can do.  The Lord is with me thru all of this. He is there with me thru this… and I will get thru it… learn from it and be better because of it. 

Life’s not really going to get any easier. There are too many things in my life that can not be changed right now… but it is my moment… to turn to the Lord for my strength… to be the person I long to be.  To grow from this.  And to be the woman/mom/daughter/sister/friend that the Lord has destined me to be.  And sometimes it takes moments in the dark to be able to see the light… because if we are constantly surrounded by things in life that illuminating brightness… we might miss that light that the Lord emits and end up blinded.  

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

a year

I have been sitting here thinking back on the past year of my life….  It has def. been up and down. I put that wall up around my heart just about this time last year.

It was Feb 12^th that B and I split. Things were strained on us and the LD part of it was really hard, especially with EVERYTHING going on in my life.  We didn’t end the greatest (via text message in the middle of an argument) but some how over the next few weeks we began talking again and are now at least friends.   I had so much going on in my life at that time that I really didn’t have time to mourn over the loss of our relationship.  My stepmom had fallen that day and we spent most of the day up at the hospital with her.  The 14^th my daughters father had surgery on his foot and I was the lucky one to take him for all of that and while he’s in surgery rush back to Lil Man’s school for his Valentine’s Day party. It was a very Long Day to say the least.

The next few months were bumpy to say the least.  Well honestly the next almost year was bumpy.  I met/ talked to a few guys…and got very hurt by one guy in particular, mainly because he was the one guy that I assumed would NEVER hurt me. 

I found a new church that I abosultely love… but even still my spiritual motivation struggled and there was a few months I didn’t go to church at all. I still prayed all the time because honestly, I don’t think I could live with out praying.  But I am just now in the last couple months getting back to where I want to be… and I know I have a long road ahead of me there but I know God is here with me guiding me along with that.

This past summer I partied a little too hard… I think mainly to avoid the lonely feelings that I constantly had.  To try and make myself feel happy… but in reality it was all a lie.  When it came down to it, I felt empty.  

October came along and my step mom past away. I didn’t realize how hard it was on me. I backed away from almost everyone. I felt even more alone.  But instead of turning to partying… I turned to focusing on my family and the very close few friends that I knew were there for me not matter what.  

So hear I am now… trying to regroup and get my life to where I want it to be. So that is what this upcoming year is going to be all about. I need to stick thru it.  Less partying it up…  and more family time.  I may lose some friends over this.. but in reality they aint the friends I need.  I need to talk to an old friend from church one of these days soon and  find out about our old bible study group and see if she’s still going.  Sadly as much as I love my new church… going to the bible study groups is a little too much for me. Its far and with everything else in life… its just not the best option for me right now… and if she’s not going to that bible study anymore.. than I will find one.. some way some how. 

I need to focus on the Lord more… I have been made to realize that even tho I say I am a Christian.. I am not living the way I should in a lot of aspect of my life…  and I need to better myself with that.  And that’s where I will be going with life in 2012.  I have started reorganizing and decluttering my home… and next will be my daily routine and my head.  I need to get myself and my family on some kind of schedule again. One we really haven’t been on for over a year and a half now.   I need to be the parent my kids deserve.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama

Realization Friday

Its Friday!!! Thank goodness… this week has seriously seemed to drag!!!  I am so glad it’s the weekend!!!  

Well the realizations have kinda sucked this week… I can’t remember the good ones… and I haven’t had any sent into me… PEOPLE!! Send me your realizations!!! overthinkingmama@gmail.com

This week I have come to realize:

~ that sometimes life is harder than we ever thought possible…

~ that sometimes I feel like my life right now… is just the waiting period for the real life I should have to start…

~ that I suck at remember my realizations

~ that I have been in a funk the past few weeks… I need to break that cycle

~ that I obviously aint as important to some of my friends and they are too me…  maybe its time to change that.

~ that it always kinda freaks me out when someone says my name in a sentence… lol.

Hope ya’ll have an absolutely amazing weekend!!!

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama 

Well, In case you didn’t know… I have met someone!! YAY!!

I did the whole online dating site thing for a few months (from like Sept- Dec). Prayed A LOT about it and kinda left it into God’s hands.  I went on some dates. Met some great guys.  Met some crazy ones too.  I didn’t let my heart nor my head control my choices and my emotions but I left all that up to God.  I prayed for him to open my heart when the right man came along. So with all of those great guys (and thankfully the crazy ones too) , I didn’t really feel anything… I saw them in a different light. Saw their issues.. the red flags and because my heart wasn’t involved in it… I was able to make a rational choice and move on.   The middle of December I decided I was done. I was done with the online dating thing and trying to meet someone. Again, I put that into God’s hands and let it be what it was.  Right before I closed my account I received one more message. We both decided to exchange email addresses since it was easier for both us to communicate that way and then I closed my account.  We emailed back and forth and I found myself very anxious to receive his emails. J (ooohhh!!!!).  We finally exchanged phone numbers and haven’t stopped texting since.   

It’s been almost two months since he first contacted me and I don’t think a day has gone by since, that we haven’t talked in some form.   And here comes the tricky part… I am falling in love with him.  And no that’s not the tricky part.  The tricky part is me. And my head.  I’ve kept my wall up for the past year so I wouldn’t be hurt… and the one and only time I put it down over the summer- I GOT HURT.  Now my wall is down.. and I am so scared of being hurt. Scared that I am going to have all these strong emotions for this wonderful man… and he’s not going to feel the same.  L

But in order to be able to fully be loved… I need that wall down and need to keep it down. Otherwise I won’t be able to feel the love that he does give me or be able to give anything in return.  I will be more susceptible to be hurt… but I will also be more susceptible to feel something amazing. 

So I am putting in all in God’s hands.  Whatever happens will happen.  I can’t dwell on the negative what ifs.  If it doesn’t work out… then it doesn’t. I will have learned from it and will move on (tho I already know that if that happens.- Im done with dating. Lol)  But if it does work out… this is going to be amazing. 

God has a plan for us.

Blessings N Love

Overthinking Mama