Friday, November 30, 2012


I just read a devotional on proverbs 31 ministries. It was about a woman who prayed for deliverance from the pain she was dealing with, with fibromyalgia... and I sat here and thought.. have I prayed, truly prayed for deliverance from the depression that I feel, the tiredness, the worthlessness that I can feel from time to time.. I have prayed. and for days, weeks, and even months, I will be fine.. but sometimes I will just wake up and boom... its there. So does that mean I am not praying right? That God doesnt love me? That He doesnt care about me??  No. I am a princess in his eyes.. He loves me unconditionally.. I just think the trials I have to go thru today, will make me into the woman God sees me being.

Also as I say here I realized... I have wrote anything really personal on here lately.. in a while actually.  I talk about my feelings.. my emotional struggles.. but lately I don't think I have been writing about all of the deep struggles that I go thru. Maybe its because the last guy I "dated" thought I was crazy and stupid and didnt understand why I would put my life out there for anyone and everyone to see... and to a point I really didnt know too too well to explain it to him.. but I guess its just a way for me to get my thoughts out there and maybe, hopefully I will be able to show someone that they are not alone in the struggles that they go thru or maybe I am not alone either. 

Lately I have been struggling with Lil Man.  He hasn't been doing very well in school.  Hasn't been turning homework in.. and at times wasn't doing it and lying to me about it.  So for the last month or so, I have been picking him up from school, walking with him back into his classroom and making sure that he has everything that he needs. Double checking his homework  every night and any tests that he gets a low grade on, I make him redo at home. I am planning on getting him tested for add/adhd and also getting him tutoring after school. My ex-husband called and suggested that if he continues to struggle and/or fail that he would like him to come live there with him and go to school there because he will be home with him and would be able to help with homework right after school and it would be better for Lil Man to have a mom and dad both available.  My exhusband is remarried. I am not. I am a single mom working full time to give my kids what they have. I help Lil Man with his homework. My mom or my step dad are with him right afterschool till I get home from work and help him with his homework.  This really upset me. Why am I not good enough??  Why would he do better there just because he has a dad and a stepmom??  This really had me down and made me feel like I wasn't good enough... just because I was a single parent.
So that is what I am struggling with right now.  But I know it will turn out alright and we will get thru all of this!!  I have faith!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, November 23, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
A day late..

Had a great day yesterday.  I was lazy. all. day.
In the evening we went to my moms for dinner... she out did herself as she always does. :-)
It was wonderfully amazing!!!

Today.. I am making dinner for my dad.  And I am a little nervous...I've made dinner before with no problems... but this year... the list of what is wanted has grown and grown and grown...

Theres only a few of us eating too!!! haha

So before I start cooking this massive feast.. I want to take a moment and just praise God for all the blessings in my life.

I have two wonderfully amazing children that I wouldn't be able to live with out

An amazing mom who seriously awes me every single day.
A great step dad who always is there to help me out with my kids.
A dad who even when burley and they "typical grumpy old man" loves us all unconditionally
A brother who is seriously just wonderful.

I have a wonderful home. a great job. good friends.. and most of all... I have a God that loves me, blesses me, and forgives me.. I am truly blessed!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Monday, November 12, 2012


It sit here this morning reading my devotional, listening to my music and I realize something about myself. That its easier to live in the pain for me than it is to fight against the pain and keep a positive outlook on life.

Yesterday at church our pastor talked about words... and the impact that what we speak can have on someone.. good and bad.
How easy it is to hear someone say you are ugly, you are doing a horrible job... you are a bad mom, and instantly we believe them. We doubt everything good we have done, all because one person spoke words that were not true or were spoken incorrectly.  (there is a right and a wrong way to tell someone that they are not doing something that you like, or that they are doing it wrong).
My devotional today was about even in the midst of negativity we should count our blessings. Even when we dont want to move because the sadness and the pain is so heavy, we should stop and really think about all the great things we have in our life.

One of my biggest challenges in life right now... is being single.  Day in a day out I struggle to believe that I will one day meet my husband. One the outside, I have a positive attitude. I tell people that I know God has a plan. That he has a husband planned out for me.. the timing just isnt right yet. Even tho i do believe it... in the quiet of my heart, I wonder. Wonder what is wrong with me?? I see so many other people happily married or at least dating.. and I am not.

Instead of looking at all the blessings that I have... I choose to focus on what I dont have... the negativity in life... I have two beautiful children. A amazing family. Great friends.  A good job, a house, a car.. I can pay my bills every month.  I am blessed a lot more than a lot of people out there.

I am pretty. I have a good personality. I am responsible. I take care a lot more than most girls my age. I am a good catch.  And a man would be lucky to have me.
I need to tell myself this every day. EVERYDAY. I need to choose the positive words that I say to myself.  I need to encourage myself every day.  I can wait to hear it from someone else.  I need to do that for me.

Lord, help me to focus on the good.. Help me to praise you even in the valleys of life... Help me to encourage myself as well as encourage others around me.  Still my heart from the unnecessary feelings of negativity and sadness.  Let me life up your name ALWAYS!!!  
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Trick or Treat/Halloween

From our Halloween Party. Lil Man is Freddy Kreuger and baby girl is Batarina

I am a spider princess! lol. 

ready for trick or treat- and yea, I dressed Bella up to match baby girl! :-P 

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

too long

I can't believe that its been almost a whole month since I have last posted!! :-(  I just have absolutely no motivation at all. :-(  It's bad. I have barely even been reading any blogs lately either. :-(

Well lets see whats new...

We had the one year anniversary of when my step mom passed away. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.  I ended up missing a couple days of work because I think the stress of it all just completely messed with my stomach. I was having aches and pains and just felt naseous and miserable the whole time.  But on a plus note. My step sister came in from California (she moved there in August), so it was amazing to see her. We all missed her so much!! And whether she wants to fully admit it or not... I think she missed us even more. :-)

I found a new home for my big dog Edward. I hated to do it, but it was time for me stop being so selfish about him. He's stuck in a cage 10 or more hours a day on average. Its not fair to him, nor is it good physically or emotionally good for him. So I found him a really sweet family who adored him and he adored them. But sadly due to their landlord, Edward will be coming back here tomorrow. I am still looking for a good family for him thou.  I have missed him but it was also a relief of guilt that he wasn't stuck in a cage all the time.

I have a craft fair next saturday for the jewelry. Its going to be a long day, but I am hoping it will all be worth it. After that, I have a scentsy party for a friend.  Its going to be busy busy busy!!! But so worth it. I love doing this. I wish I could do this full time!!   I have a few more craft shows coming up in the future! I can't wait for them.

Today is trick or treat around here so I am going to be taking baby girl out and probably our little dog bella. Baby girl is going as batarina. which for that she has this cute little black and purple tutu and bat wings and ears and also little black gloves (i think the gloves are her favorite part of the whole costume!! lol)  She is adorable with it on. Lil man is with his dad this weekend, so he will go going trick or treating with him. He's going either as a Browns player or as Freddy Kreuger. This will be the first year lil man hasnt gone trick or treating with me, but he rarely ever goes with his dad... so its all good!!! I know he will have an amazing time. Plus, he gets to go to the browns game tomorrow with his dad!! So I know he's super excited about that!! :-)

 Well.. that is about all I can think of at the moment...

Have a GREAT  WEEKEND ya'll!!!

Blessings N Love
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, November 1, 2012


Between every text message or every call.
Between every moment spent together.

I wonder.

I question.

and I doubt.

I don't doubt you.
I doubt ME.

Doubt that I am good enough.
Doubt that I am really what you want.
Doubt that you are as happy as you say.

It has nothing to do with you, its all me and my past.

The hurt I have been through.
The feelings of being shown that I am not good enough.

No one else wanted me... why should you?

Its funny how a person can do so much damage to someone, and not even know it.

I think to myself, I am amazing. I would make any guy happy. Yet, I still doubt myself.