Friday, April 29, 2011

Realization Friday

And… Its realization Friday!!!  TGIF!!



I have come to realize:

~      This month seems like its taken forever to end

~      I have the best blog followers EVER!!

~      I am a hopeless romantic at heart

~      I like being busy but I get overwhelmed easily.

~      The better the attitude the better life is.

~      If you focus on the negativity you will get negativity.

~      God has a plan… may not always match what you want… but HE knows best!!

~      Even when the you may feel distant from the Lord… the Lord feels close to you.


“Maybe I am old fashioned, but I want a man to pursue me, to show me he truly wants me. Words mean so much more when there is actions behind them."


Have a blessed weekend Ya’ll!!!

Blessings n love
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

distant

I don’t know what’s wrong.

The last couple weeks I have felt so distant from God. The devils working on me… and I am exhausted with trying to fight.   

This week has been exhausting.  Monday after work, I spent the entire night doing homework for my Algebra class that was due the next day… Tuesday I took my son to the Indian’s game and even tho I had the best time ever there… we didn’t get home till after 11… and so I didn’t get to bed till after midnight… ugh.  Wednesday I left work early and met up with a classmate to study for the final we have today… after that I went to Lil Man’s school baseball practice… home for dinner and mowed my front yard while the kids ate and Lil Man did homework… then off to his Little League baseball practice.  I am exhausted. My house is a disaster. There is so much laundry that needs done… and I no clue when I am going to be able to get to any of it. Ugh. Tonight I have my final right after work… then after that I have to go to my dad’s to clean and move things around since my step mom is supposed to come home on Fruday.. Tomorrow after work I have to take Lil Man to another baseball practice… then after that two of my besties are coming over which I should be looking forward to….. but yea…  Saturday my son’s got baseball practice at 1130-1230. My daughter has a birthday party at 230. I have a Scentsy party at 300 and Lil Man’s got another baseball practice at 5pm.  OYE!! Not looking forward to my Saturday. Sunday is my stepmom’s bday and  her step mom is having a birthday party for her.. so after church we are running out there for that.    
Its gonna be a long weekend.  L

I need a nap. L


God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Happy Belated Easter

4/25/11
Happy Belated Easter!!!

I wanted to blog yesterday. I had so much I wanted to write about and most importantly I wanted to wish every one a Happy Easter… but I was extremely depressed and ended up with a very bad headache… so I didn’t do a whole lotta anything yesterday.  L

I have a few things I want to blog about but not sure if I want to do them all in one post… or break them up into multiple posts… hhmmm

4/26/11

OK.. Maybe I will actually get to finish a post today?! Lol.

I have a few things weighing heavy on my heart today…  

Worry for my dad. He’s worn out, not feeling good. My stepmom’s been in the hospital since the beginning of Feb when she broke her femur.  The worry and traveling back and forth is really wearing on my dad.  Please pray for him.

Worry for a friend of mine. I am not going into details on there about any of it… just I need to tell this friend about something… and I don’t want to… but I really think this friend needs to know.  And I am scared of how it will all work out.  But I know God will be with me on it. .

My Easter didn’t start out all that great. I woke up extremely depressed. Honestly I don’t think I have been that depressed in YEARS.  It was to the point where I was just sitting on my bed and had tears streaming down my face.  I ended up not going to church. I know that was probably the moment I needed to go the most, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to sit there in church bawling my eyes out… alone.  I didn’t want stranger to have to come and comfort me because honestly I think that would have made me feel worse.  So I didn’t go and hated myself for that.  I ended up getting a migraine from all the stress of the depression.  The kids enjoyed their Easter baskets… and the egg hunt over at my moms.  The time over there def. lifted up my spirits and took my headache away.  Praise God for that.  I ended up jogging that night and felt good afterwards.  The Lord is so wonderful. I felt bad that it wasn’t a better Easter for my kids… but I think they still enjoyed themselves. I dunno this year so far, I just can’t seem to get into any holiday spirit. L.   Hopefully that will change.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

being patient

This has kinda been a down week for me.  Nothing major has really gone wrong… I have just been depressed. Today is a little better but today, I keep focusing on the fact that I am single.  I have such a strong desire to be settled down, be married, have a family, a happy little home. I yearn for that. 

I am tired of “dating”. Tired of getting to know someone… get involved… only to realize that they are not the one.  I am tired of the let downs and the not knowing if he likes me or is he seeing someone else.  I am just tired of it. I am tired of doing everything alone.  I am tired of struggling alone.  

I want a man to take care and I want a man to take care of me.  I don’t want to have to worry about my house falling apart all the time. Or having to mow the yard. Or if I am too tired to cook dinner or do laundry, it would be nice to have someone there to help.

Maybe its me… maybe I expect too much from someone?  I dunno. 

I know I had all that once…  had exactly what I want now.  And I walked away from it. Now it feels like I will never have that again.

I am trying so hard to be patient.  I know God has a plan. I know God is making me ready for my husband and my husband ready for me.  I am trying so hard to be patient.. but today, today its hitting me hard.

I will continue to grow in my relationship with Christ…  I will continue to wait.  I will continue.

And I have faith that someday… (hopefully soon) I will meet my husband… and know he is the one.  And settle down finally.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

up and down...

This past weekend was… I dunno. Up and Down I guess would be the best way to describe it.

There is something that is weighing heavy on my heart… and I really shouldn’t let this bother me because it’s so not worth it.. but it really does bother me. 

I saw a friend of mine yesterday that I haven’t hardly seen in a while… at least a few months. I have know her for a long time now..  but it seems that in the last year our friendship has become very strained.  I dunno if it was the guy I was dating at the time.. because I know she didn’t like him at all.  Or what exactly it was… but we barely saw each other and barely talked to each other… and it was both or our faults.

Anywho- I saw her yesterday and she was talking to another friend about how they had a little get together with some of their friends for her and her boyfriends anniversary.  I piped in jokingly (well only half) and said “yea thanks for inviting me” and she was just like-“ well its not like you would have come anyway you are always too busy”. WHAT ???!!! REALLY??!!  I was blown away by that comment.  

Seriously… this is coming from a chic who in the last 5 years of me having get together, birthday parties, jewelry parties, food parties, anytype of parties, cook outs, fires after dark… had came to maybe… maybe… a handful of them. BUT… In the last 5 years I have missed ONE thing… ONE… that she’s invited me to.  ONE! And that was last January. For her birthday.  She invited me to go out. And I was planning on it, but it was right after Christmas and New Years and my boyfriend at the time (we lived 3hrs apart) was here for both of those weekends and it was my turn to go there for the weekend… so I didn’t go to her birthday.  ONE time!!! 
Oh… ill take that back.. there was one other time I didn’t go… but only because she text me at 930 at night and said hey were here at XXXXX place can you come out??!! Yea.. let me just leave my kids home alone and come drink with you… NOPE sorry can’t do it.

It just really bothered me that this friendship is so one sided… apparently as I see it, if I miss ONE time going out with her, I am unreliable as a friend.  

So that just really bugged me the last few days…  And then I also got the call that my daughter didn’t pass the kindergarten assessment testing. So that put me in a down mood. L I know God has a plan for her… and obviously this isn’t in his plans yet…  but its still a bummer.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, April 15, 2011

today

My mind is in one place at the moment.  

Kindergarten Screening.  Oye!

We have to be at the school at 9:45.  I am so nervous.  My daughter is 4yrs old. She wont be 5 till the end of November. The age cut off is Sept 30. She’s supposed to be 5 before then to be accepted into kindergarten… but if she scores above average in the kindergarten screening then she will be eligible to be tested by the school psychologist and if she excels in that THEN she can go to kindergarten this year… 

I am so nervous for her… I am literally shaking from the anxiety I am feeling… 

She’s so smart… and so grown acting most of the time… to me she’s ready… but then I am her mom… lol.  I just hope the school sees it too!!


So needless to day.. I will post the realization post later today.. hopefully. Lol.

Say a prayer for her please!!!


Thank you all so much!!


God Bless
Overthinking Mama

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Saved


Looking back... (gotta love the 20/20 hindsite!) I can see where God was working in my life... drawing me closer to him...  The first time I remember I was 13.  I skipped school one day... (my mom let me) and I remember laying on the couch watching tv. And a commercial came on for Power for Living.  It was book on Jesus and being saved.  I watched the commercial each time it came on and felt this urge to called to get the free book... so finally I did.  Gave them my info and a few weeks later I got it. Looked it over.. and set it aside.  Fast forward 4-5 years and I met a girl Sarah.  We worked at TJMaxx together... and I dunno why but we clicked and became pretty good friends.  I don't remember what denomination she was but she was extrememe Christian. like- no make up, no pants- only long skirts, long sleeves- cant show any skin other than neck face hands... and cant cut their hair.  She was 17 and married. (very happily)... And she would talk to me about God from time to time.. but never once did she try and push her ideas on me. A few years later around my 21st birthday my niece passed away. She was 12.  Her family was very relgious too and I remember at the funeral service her mom got up and talked about how much Jackie (my neice) love Christ and how she wanted everyone to know about His love.. and that if anyone felt the need to come to the alter and give there life to Jesus that night, she would pray with them... or something like that... and I remember sitting there in the pew with this yearning in my heart... this strong urge to get up and go up there... but I didn't . My butt didn't move off that seat.  5 more years go by...  by now I had been married, divorsed, in love, had another baby, and hurt beyond words.   One week night I was extrememly depressed.  I just felt like nothing... I called up the EX  and begging him to come over and be with me... I didn't want to be alone. He told me no.  I felt so worthless at that moment.  The man I was still in love with... that I longed to just have his arms around me... couldn't come over when I needed him most.   I went to my room and remember watching TV and sitting on the side of my bed... I looked over at my book case and see that Power For Living book... the same exact one that I had when I was 13.... the one that moved with for 13 years!!!  I picked it up and started reading it... really reading it...  I was crying more now...   and I felt the Lord...  I got down on my knees and prayed... prayed for forgiveness. prayed for healing.. prayed for strength...prayed for joy...  just prayed...  I swore at that moment I would be different...  at that moment... my heart changed. my focus changed. my life changed.  
I wish I could say at that moment everything did change.. that I lived better and was a good Christian...  but it was and up and down battle... There were days/weeks/months where I was close to God and there were more times where I wasnt... I was living for me.  Many time I lost sight of the right way... but now looking back... I see the Lord still working in my life...  using the downs to push me up.  Using bad situations, bad relationships, bad moments... to push me in the way He wanted me to go... and yea I strayed off the path more times than not...  but He was always there. 





God Bless
Overthinking Mama 


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My weekend in pics

Lil man at baseball practice

My dad and stepsis @ dinner for his bday

lil man and baby girl

me n baby girl

my dad and my bro

bloomin onion.. yum

cake n ice cream with nani 

ike- playing with lil man

lil man
me n edward

tom

Monday, April 11, 2011

maybe.... dunno.

I have learned that I need to blog or at least jot down my thoughts first thing in the morning.. cuz by lunch time… my brilliant thinker is done. L ugh.
I don’t really wanna do another “my weekend was great Monday post”  even tho, my weekend was AWESOME!!

I wanted to do a more serious post..  One so my readers can get to know me a tad bit more… 

I wanted to write about how I “maybe” had a miscarriage.  

This was 2006… 5 years ago… February. This was a very very very stressful time in my life. I was in a relationship with a man that would seriously change my life… for the good and the bad in some ways-but in the end- it was good. My family disliked this man to the point where they wouldn’t even come to my house.  I had just bought a house and me and this man (if you have read in previous posts- it’s the EX) moved in together. We had only been dating a couple months but had known each other for a few months longer (because that makes it all the more better!).  We moved in the beginning of February.   February 17/18 somewhere in there, I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant.
February 25th. It was a Saturday. I remember this day perfectly.  Lil Man was with his father this weekend.  We were getting our TV wall mounts installed.  I remember after I woke and and started doing a lil bit of cleaning I felt a slight cramping. Thinking I just needed to use the potty I went to the bathroom…  I went in and sat down and noticed blood spots in my panties… and when I wiped just a little bit on the toilet paper… I text my bf to let him know and told him I was scared. He said for me to call the doctors and then to call him. So I did. The nurse said some spotting is fine. If it gets worse go the the ER.  I called the bf back and told him and he was like- I am coming home… you are going to the ER.  By this time the installation man had shown up, so I called a couple of my friends- Tina and Tom and asked them to come over and stay with the guy while I went up to the Hospital.  My bf got home and we immediately left.
We went up the ER and waited and waited and waited..  finally the nurse came in the room and had to stick a ballon with a tube up my pee whole to inflate to enlarge my bladder so they could do an ultrasound.  So after that I was wheeled down to the ultra sound room… and that was done.  And I was wheeled back to the room…  I called the nurse and asked if the tube could be removed cuz it hurt and he (yes HE) went and found out that he could take it out!  
He came back in… didn’t even close the curtain all the way… spread my legs, started watching TV and pull it out… OMG!!! That hurt worse that having a kid, getting tattoo, or being punched in the face!! I let out a yelp (I don’t scream) and my bf was immediately standing up and in the nurses face going off on him… Yea security was called and my bf was told to calm down… It was NOT fun.   Soon after we were discharged… and tried to go on with our life.
The next couple days I took off work and felt miserable…  I saw clumps of skin passing and coming out in my toilet… but not much. Nothing more than what I would pass with a normal period.   I laid in bed a lot. I didn’t have the energy or motivation to get up and get out. My bf was awesome to me. He held me. He comforted me. I was in mourning.
About a month later I went to my doctor for a follow up- that I insisted on because on of the test came back from the ultrasound that there was a cyst on my left ovary- so I wanted it checked out.  I went into the docs and they did another ultrasound…  The lady asked me if there was anyway I could be pregnant. I said no. I just had a miscarriage.  She gave me a cup, showed me the restroom and told me to go pee.  I did… I was pregnant. The measured everything… and put conception date as March 11. Exactly 2 weeks after my miscarriage.   So now, I am not sure if I even had a miscarriage. Is it even possible to get pregnant that quick after a miscarriage.    I still dunno. I dunno if I have a baby up in heaven or not. I dunno if I was pregnant 3 times or not. I dunno if I mourned for my child or not. I dunno.

God Bless
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Realization Friday

Yay!! Its Friday… As I type this, I am on hold with Walmart.com trying to find my TV I purchased 3/28. The last tracking info I got was on Monday at 751am that it was in transit to the store.. that was MONDAY!! And the place it was shipping from is ONLY 4hrs away…  Its said I should be able to pick it up b/w 4/4 and 4/8… Well its now 4/8 and still no email that I can pick it up.   I am getting frustrated!!!  And the longer I am on hold… the more frustrated I get…plus now.. I have to pee. Ugh.  
At least its Friday.. and that means its realization time!!!  So with out further adue… here’s my realizations.



Ive come to realize:

~ I have very little faith in people anymore.

~  That the Lord has a great plan for me… I just need to keep my faith in Him.

~ That I have had more fun with my friends in the past 2 months, that I have in the past year!! Kinda sad really L

~ That when I have to pee this bad… I have a hard time thinking.

~ I hate being put on hold for more than 5 mins!!!

~ I am seriously starting to think that I am not going to ever get a TV!!!!

~ I have the best BFF in the world J

~ I only have 3 more weeks of school!! 6 more classes!! Aaahh!!!



Alright… since I am still on hold…  I am gonna finish this up.. other wise there may be a whole lotta venting going on… I am getting more and more frustrated!! I think I may have been hung up on!!!

Hope ya’ll have a great and wonderful weekend!!

God Bless YOU
Overthinking Mama 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Blog Lovin

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30 Days of Me/Truths Day 9


Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.


Hhhmmm…  there have a been a few people…  and I don’t wanna to another post on The EX… because me and him definitely drifted apart.   I have quite a few friends that I have drifted apart from over the years…  Do I have to pick just one??!! Lol.


OK. Well the first friend…  I met in highschool.. she is one of the rare people that I met in high school that I actually still talk J  We instantly had a connection and were best friends.  We have gone in and out with being super close- talking everyday- seeing each other all the time etc.  Then only talking once in a while… here and there..  then go back to talking all the time.  We had some big fights and made up. The last biggest fight we had was almost 5 years ago. Her bf got into an argument with my bf (both now ex’s) and we stopped talking for almost a year.  I didn’t want to lose her as a friend, so I got her number and got in contact with her and we started talking again. But it was different this time around.  She had other new friends and did everything with then… and I had a renewed a few old friendships and it was just different between us.  Over the last 5 years we still see each other from time to time… still talk on occasion but I have found God and she found a great man… and both of those seem to consume our time… so we just ain’t like how we used to be. L

The second friend… hurts probably the most.  My ex-husband and I were friends with her and her husband.  We hung out all the time. We vented to each other every single day.  We did so many things together.  Her and her husband remained friends with me even thru our divorce. They didn’t chose sides…  Our friendship did change. We weren’t as close, but we were still friends.  Then this past Oct her and her husband split.  And I reached out to both her and her husband.  Asking them both (separately of course) for coffee, lunch, anything.. just to talk..)  She always said ok.. She always said she’d let me know. But I never heard from her. A mutual friend and I would invite her out with us or what ever, but she always declined or just wouldn’t respond.  Her husband on the otherhand, took me up on the offers for someone to talk to.  We have become closer friends because of it. I consider him one of my best friends now. But to her she now sees me as a threat. That I am not her friend because I am friends with her soon to be ex-husband.  That I am trying to be with her soon to be ex-husband.  I hate that she thinks that. Its not true at all!!  I still consider her a friend and I wouldn’t do that to her.  But its set in her mind so according to her, we are no longer friends.  L

There as been more friendships that have changed. Many relationships that we just have changed or were so different but ignored everything in the beginning because love is blind… but God has a plan for all of us… He knows what he’s doing. And he is here with us thru it all.. thru the love and especially thru the hurt. We just have to open our hearts to him!!!


God Bless YOU
Overthinking Mama

Monday, April 4, 2011

Weekend Recap.

This weekend was a pretty good one.. def. a lot more calm than the last few.  J

Friday night I went out with a couple friends and sang karaoke. I suck at singing.. but I still got up there and made a fool out of myself… with the help of my friend!!  I loved it tho!! Will definitely have to go back sometime.  

Saturday was pretty good… I was up early and started cleaning and putting my entertainment center together. Went and picked up Lil man from his dads and did a lil bit of running around that I needed to get done. Came home and cleaned some more, bathed the dogs and finally passed out on the couch. The kids were wonderful… they let me sleep for like 20 minutes!!  J They were awesome!!  We went and rented some movies, got Chinese and came home. I started on some homework and then a couple friends came over and we hung out for a bit.

Sunday I was up and headed to church… I really do love this new church I have been going to…  again tho… I dunno if its because the Man is there with me… or if it’s the church itself…  but none the less… I like it.  Afterward the kids and I went to lunch with the Man and it was good. Good food and good company. Still really dunno whats up or where its going.. and honestly… as much as I want to be like “hey whats the deal” I have put this in God’s hands… I have complete faith in HIM over this area of my life…  I know he’s making me ready for my husband and my husband ready for me… whether it’s the Man or not… I dunno.. and maybe the Man is just supposed to be a distraction to keep my heart occupied and my eyes set on the Lord till the right man does come a long. I really dunno..  I do know how I feel about the Man tho… and I guess only time will tell with it all J.   
Last night I had a really hard time falling asleep, even tho I was exhausted… but I know the Lord kept me awake cuz my BFF needed to talk. So I talked with him for a bit…and I can’t go into detail about the convo… all I have to say is that the Lord has a great sense of humor… J

God Bless YOU
Overthinking Mama 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Realization Friday

I have been slacking at doing this today… or really all week at my blogging.. and I am not really sure why… L I apologize.. maybe ill make up for it this weekend… and maybe not.. we shall see… but it is Friday..so with out any further adue….

This week I have come to realize:

~ That I can not do this alone!!! I need God

~ I still suck very much at patience.

~ That God Is So Good

~ That I have great friends and family.

~ That miracles do happen.

~ That there are some awesome people out there that are willing to help you in any way that they can.

~ That there will always someone out there that will be against you… even if you do nothing wrong.

That’s it for now… L

Hope ya’ll have a blessed weekend!!!

God Bless You
Overthinking Mama